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self-help

Design Your Life

Dear Motivation, Stop Hiding From Me

11/08/2010
rainbow bunny

So this new place is just perfect for writing and when I get my studio set back up I’ll be in business again.. but until then I cannot get myself motivated.

Motivation. A scary thing. Where do you find it when you have none?

It’s not hiding under your bed with green tentacles just waiting to grab you when you least expect it.

If you’re anything like me you assume that when you get things as they should be it will hit you in the face. You’ll be kicking your feet up to watch the water and all of a sudden you’ve gotten a stroke of creativity like no other!

It does happen. As creative people we come to adore when it happens. If we’re prepared we even take advantage of it.

… but what do we do when we have no motivation? No stroke of creativity?

We’ve discussed ways to get creative when creativity feels impossible.. but we haven’t discussed motivation as well as I would have liked to.

I struggle with motivation so I assume maybe others do too. The wonderful thing about the internet is that we can connect with others all over the world that are experiencing similar difficulties that we are. No one is expected to go through anything alone. We are very social creatures and we crave a connection with others (so that our bodies may produce dopamine and make us naturally happy).

I have depression, as I’ve said before, and one of the most destructive aspects of depression is the way it paralyzes your willpower. (David D. Burns)

There are many reasons why this is so but only you can really understand. Think about your undone task and write down words that come to mind. Write a journal or blog entry about it. See what the underlying reasons are that you’re putting off getting things done. Reasons can range from overwhelming yourself, undervaluing rewards and even fear of success! Or how about perfectionism? That is one myself and many of my friends struggle with most.

Try to pinpoint your discomfort so that you can work to resolve it. Be strong and carry out your goals. No one else will do them justice.

One of my guilty pleasures is a book called Feeling Good by David D. Burns, M.D. This is a valuable tool in learning to improve your emotional health. I like to read it when I get really frustrated and forget how to use the tools to remain focused. It helps my mind unstick sometimes when a worry wont stop. I highly recommend it!

However, as we said before, depression is actually a chemical imbalance in your brain so if you lack motivation because of depression you should first get help! Even if you’re too scared to talk to your family about going to a psychologist for some strange reason (my parents had a stigma about it) you can always tell your family doctor first. They can then refer you to a psychologist and many times they’ll start you on a small dose of an anti-depressant to see how you do. Sometimes these pills give you an absolute moment of clarity in which you understand every particle of your disorder and how to live without it.

The trick is to train your brain to be positive. To be able to change your life and the way you feel everyday.

So get motivated (no matter who you are) and do something new.

packaging :)
Design Your Life

Getting Magnified With Nubby Twiglet

10/29/2010

Visualize what you want out of life, big or small and work hard. Stay focused. It’s never supposed to be easy.

what i wore nubby twiglet fashion style outfit

Q.

Nubby! There are all kinds of creative people around the globe, but many of them find real difficulty in pinning down exactly what it is they would like to make a living doing. How did you take the plunge and commit to graphic design, and what advice would you give to people still ‘working it out’?

A.

It’s completely normal to experiment before committing to a career. I would start by asking yourself what you’re truly passionate about. What do you enjoy doing most in your free time? What’s the one thing that you’re willing to stay up late and do, no matter how tired you get?

In school, my two strongest subjects were always Art and English. I loved ripping up fashion magazines and making collages, playing with sheets of rub-on letters and flipping through old advertising and poster books. I knew that fine art is really subjective and that it wasn’t going to be an easy way to make a living right away. Graphic design combined my love of art and type with one of my other passions; advertising. The thing is, once your passion becomes a job, it’s not all about fun and leisure anymore. There’s a level of professionalism that goes into it and at the end of the day, there are certain things you have to do to ensure that you get paid. Even when you’re working for yourself, the money has to come from somewhere.

If you’re unsure of what you want to do, reach out to teachers, mentors and career counsellors. Take some classes for fun. The more things you try, the easier it is to realize what you DON’T want to do. When I was in college years ago, I did filing in offices, stuffed invoices into envelopes and worked retail. All of these jobs built character and made me appreciate the career that I have now.

Q.

You seem to have been incredibly practical in the pursuit of what many would consider an impractical or ‘risky’ career choice, is that how you see it? Did you face any naysayers along the way and, if so, how did you deal with that?

A.

I always felt that any career in art or design was really risky and that’s probably because my parents always worked traditional office jobs, doing sales. That’s one of the main reasons I went to school first for business. My mom encouraged me because she knew I had the potential and in a way, I think she wanted me to have something to ‘fall back on.’ After I completed that degree though, I just didn’t feel fulfilled. I had already started to do freelance design work but felt like I wasn’t as proficient or knowledgeable as I wanted to be. I had a lot of people around me who just didn’t get it…I was supposedly done with school and trying to go back for something completely different.

At 25, I didn’t want to waste another four years in school and this is why I chose to do a two year, limited entry graphic design program. I’d always dreamed of working at an ad agency and what I soon realized is that the combination of marketing and design backgrounds meshed perfectly for my career path. Listen to your instincts – there are always going to be naysayers. But, it’s your life. You know best.

magazine typofiles typography

Q.

Your work seems like so much more than a 9-5 for you, it is clear from your blog how intertwined your job, lifestyle, fashion sense and even home decor are! How important do you think it is to blur the lines between work, life and play in terms of career fulfillment?

A.

A career in design doesn’t necessarily have a starting and stopping point. Inspiration will hit you at completely random times and I think that as a designer, it’s a natural progression for your interests at that moment to seep into your outfit choices, home decor, blogging topics, etc. I’ve always strived to have a seamless line between my work, life, and blog. It’s definitely tricky because I am the face of my brand and my personality is interconnected heavily with my work.

I don’t think it’s necessary to blur the lines between your work, life and play – if anything, it’s probably a relief for most people to break away at the end of the day. I’ve done things differently because it makes sense in my life, but I wouldn’t recommend it for everyone. It has to feel like a natural progression.

week in pictures

Q.

You’ve mentioned both your brand and your personality and how key they are in your career, how important do you think a ‘personal brand’ is for a career in the creative industries? What advice would you give to someone looking to brand themselves within their market – where should they start?

A.

Most of the time, a person’s work speaks for itself but in a flooded market, often what makes someone stand apart is their personality and ability to potentially relate to their customers. There are so many designers out there – the personal connection you make with your customers is going to be the defining factor that keeps them coming back. I’ve always said that it doesn’t matter how good you are if nobody knows how to find you. Branding yourself in a recognizable, uncluttered manner will help you get remembered. Start by building an online presence through various social media platforms and showcase your work on your own domain, whether that’s a website or a blog. Reach out to people you admire – often, they’ll help you along and even show you the ropes, no questions asked. A simple logo that will mature with your work is also helpful. And, always have business cards handy! Some people think they’re extinct, but I promise you, there will be times where they pay off. You never know who you’re going to meet!

Q.

It looks like you’ve learnt a great deal about yourself and your field through your career so far, what one piece of advice would you liked to have given yourself, say, 5 years ago? And, conversely, where do you see yourself 5 years from now?

A.

I would have told myself that it was possible to work at an ad agency and that it wasn’t a pipe dream to run my own business full time. And, I definitely would have gotten started on my personal blog much sooner. It’s so easy now to look back and see things differently, but the reality is, life happens and we tend to just do the best we can at any particular time without knowing if the outcome is going to be what we hoped for.

And, five years from now… wow, that is a long time away! Five years ago, I hadn’t gone to school for design yet. I was finishing my business degree and had just returned home from a two month stay in New York. I hadn’t done my first solo art show yet. I was working at a shoe store and living with four boy roommates. My life was completely different! So, five years from now, I’m not exactly sure what I will be doing. I hope to be working at a fashion magazine (Elle!) in New York, working as an art director at an agency or running an agency with my brother. Though, he loves working at Nike, so he might be too cool to spend his days with me! I also want to write a how-to guide about marketing for designers and do workshops on what it takes to be a freelancer and how to build a portfolio. Oh, and I want to travel a lot. I guess I have a vague idea then…but life is meant to be lived. Setting anything in stone feels too rigid – I am just soaking up new experiences, trying to stay in the present and enjoying my life right now.

what i wore nubby twiglet pantone notebook design

Q.

You seem to have done things totally your own way, do you consider yourself Miseducated? If so, what makes you Miseducated and what final advice would you give to readers embarking on their own Miseducated careers?

A.

Since Miseducated is about embracing a unique, unconventional existence, I would say yes! Though I tend to make plans, set goals and keep a schedule, beyond that, I try to live the best life possible and to do things my way. You’re only going to live once so it’s important to stay true to your values and ethics – at the end of the day, you have to answer to YOU. That’s it. Do what makes you happy. When I was younger, I tried to fit into ideals, to do what I thought would make me happy by society’s standards. I quickly realized that wearing corporate casual attire, working at a mainstream office and living in the suburbs was not for me. I went to school for business because it seemed more practical. But, I wasn’t fulfilled so I went back for a design degree. Visualize what you want out of life, big or small and work hard. Stay focused. It’s never supposed to be easy. The things that you do that feel impossible and test your will do add character. If people tell you that something can’t be done, work even harder to prove them wrong. It’s up to you to create the life that you want.

Diary

Moving Time and Living Out of Boxes

10/23/2010
happy birthday

Remember all those times I complained of not having my own office anymore? Of everything being transitional and having our stuff in boxes and in storage? Well we finally settled down into our new home. It took so much work to get here and I’m excited to get to share it with Colette!

I’m unpacking all of my favorite things. Things I forgot even existed.

Which reminds me of the purpose of this post, to remind you that you also own things you don’t even know exist.

Living without all of my things for over a year (I had my clothes and computer of course!) really helped me pinpoint my hoarding problem. I found I had packed and moved boxes upon boxes of stuff, most of which I didn’t need, to our new apartment. Not that my house was cluttered.. as you can see from the previous articles featuring my first apartments.. but I’ve always had too much to display! So what’s the point?

It really forced me to take a look at everything as I unpacked items one by one.. it made me really appreciate the things I had missed and realized I should donate a lot of the things I had forgotten about.. in getting rid of your excess items you can focus on your favorites OR things that really matter!

most of them

I’ve been clearing and storing.. I have this silly stack of vintage and kitschy cookbooks that I can’t seem to part with but I had to move to the closet because I felt the amount of books was getting a little overwhelming.. I’ve found that rather than collect a lot of something you like to display.. it’s best to display your favorites and possibly part with the rest (unless it’s your hobby, like Blythe is mine).

I like to have people over a lot and I’d rather them see things that really matter to me and my environment rather than a cluttered collection of dusty maneki nekos. Perhaps some of my favorites from Japan and a cute family photo? I have a thing for jars of candy.

Today is the day to get your life in order. To sort, shelve and box. To donate and to reuse. Look around and notice the clutter, notice if there’s anything that you’re not attached to. Make room for favorite things, clear spaces for new treasures.

If I can do it, you can do it.

Fear of Fear

I had originally planned to include photos of every home I’ve ever lived in but of course my computer crashed upon arriving in our new home. Did I say how anxious I am because I’m unable to work or access client files?

I thought you should know, however, that I’ve finally moved into my new office and work will ensue very soon. There is SO MUCH I’ve missed and so much I appreciate now. Most of all you.

Design Your Life

Memento Mori: Remember Your Mortality

10/01/2010
mementomori

Carpe Diem. We know what that means, don’t we? Not too long ago there was another Miseducated article on the subject.

The funny thing about that phrase is that I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone follow it with memento mori, which is latin for ” remember that you are mortal.” We know that Carpe Diem means ‘ Seize the day’. While in our minds, we know we should do so because we don’t have very many days on this earth. But in our hearts, we hear the phrase and feel carefree, with overflowing life. Memento mori brings you back to remember why you should carpe diem to begin with.

You’re only young once. You’ll regret what you didn’t do more than anything. Live each day as though it was your last. We’ve all heard it too often to count. But so many of us continue to sit and wait for life to happen. For today to happen. The thing is that those things don’t just happen. Oh no, you have to happen, and everything else will follow.

Once before, I wrote that ” the days we spend here can become quite monotonous, and life in itself can stop being extraordinary and full of sharp twists and turns, and rather just seem like some tedious chore, and we all start suffering from ‘the waiting room syndrome’. ”

Upon re-reading, the first thought that came to mind was whether or not you suffer from ‘waiting room syndrome’ relies entirely on yourself. Whether or not things happen in your life is entirely up to you. Your experiences, whether or not opportunities present themselves, are all entirely up to you.

A friend of mine said it best, using his recent experiences behind the wheel as an analogy. ” I’m tired of it. Driving only focused on the destination is the most exhausting way to (live). Every focus on where I am going, but nothing about what is around me. It’s an annoying cliche’, but I feel I must refocus myself.”

Stated simply, the journey between where you are and where you’re going is just as significant, if not more so, as your ultimate destination. Much like driving. You get in your car with one obvious goal, to go somewhere. The, equally as obvious, but much less addressed, second goal is to not crash on your way there. If you crash, you probably won’t end up where you set out to go. You have to pay attention to the cars, the lights, the signs, the speed limit. But you also have the time talk with passengers, listen to some music, think.

Likewise with life, you don’t want to crash. You’ve got long term goals, a five year plan of things you want to see yourself accomplish. But you have to make use and enjoy the time in between, and focus on what’s going on right now.

Design Your Life

Stay Gold Forever: Lessons in Business and the State of Being

09/18/2010
gold

When I was about fifteen, my father had this great idea that would turn me into the business prodigy that he had so desperately wanted me to be: To start a record label. I was very involved in music, and he had figured that it would have been perfect. I spent months reading business books and books specifically about one starting a record label, only to quit the project and head into an entirely new direction (one of the best descisions I have ever made in my entire life) months later.
Nonetheless, here are some things that I had learned whilst trying to get this independent music empire up and running, and I believe sincerely that these lessons can be applied to life in general and have a positive effect.

That’s My Story, and I’m Sticking To It

When I tell people how something happened (ex. How did you and your boyfriend meet? Is an easy example) , I want to feel good about it. I don’t want to have to feel like I have to paint a different picture to get the approval of who I’m telling, there shouldn’t be a detail to hide. You have to live a story that you’ll be proud to tell in the future.

Don’t Lose Yourself

It’s human nature. When you factor things down to their purest form, the only thing you really have, to hold on to forever and no one can ever take it, is what you think about yourself. Who you know yourself to be. And you must maintain your sense of yourself at all costs. Because your self-image is always going to be what you base your descisions off of, and if you compromise that, you’ve lost.

At the end of the day, don’t only ask:
How much money did I make?
How much work did I get done?
but also ask yourself:
What did I get out of it?
because in everything you do, there’s an image of yourself and the feeling associated with what you’re trying to achieve.

Avoid the Trap

Define who you know yourself to be.
Define who it is that you would like to be.
And define what it is you wish to be known for.

Those three things are your own personal rules of thumb. And it’s rather difficult, but beneficial, not to contradict them.

I do sincerely feel that by applying these little bits of knowledge to your life, you’ll come to a full understanding of why you want to do what you want to do, and therefore take a huge step forward on your everlasting journey to self discovery.

Design Your Life Thankful for Monday

Thankful for Monday: Feeling Wonky

08/01/2010

Hello, candylanders! Fear not for I did not and could not forget you. *majorsensoryoverload* My time is much more precious with baby girl around, I feel she deserves every waking moment and I seem to have no problem at all giving them to her!

hair bun
I’ve started a new artist project and have been scanning my old sketch/inspiration book.

Changes

Life always changes.. and the past sometimes seems amazing when you try to reminiscence about it.. but in reality you had problems then too. When you’re thinking about how wonderful things used to be you’re probably only focusing on the negatives now.. what what about the positives? I have to say I love changes because although I think I hate them and would want to be a child of the 80s forever — they’re amazing. Life changes all the time and you just have to enjoy each and every part… You only live them once!

You're my Candy Bunny
A print I made for Colette before she was born.

Japanese Fashion Magazines

So I’ve been away from all of my goodies (aka: loot) for quite awhile now.. it’s all still boxed and labeled nicely in storage until we move. I miss it so much! I’m probably going to do an *obsessedwithjunk* post when we move and photo-shoot everything I always took for granted!

I again remember why I miss Japan and the life I had there.. so amazing and filled with health, good food and happiness. The magazines take me back to a time when I surrounded myself with everything adorable, bright and colorful so that I wouldn’t focus on the bad. I tried to focus on cute things that made me feel happy (my Hello Kitty and Sanrio goodies go back to 1981!) and squeal. Japan makes that world of cute lifestyle real to me, I feel so at peace and home when I’m sleeping there.

On a really materialistic note I miss the stores, clothes, magazines and food a lot, too. These magazines are like rainbow soup for my candy-lovers soul.

Sketching

I love sketching once more. When I started painting again recently for a show I found my sketching skills as shaky as ever and I decided to start perfecting them again for this artist feature I’m participating in. I cannot WAIT to show you because I have some great ideas!
😉 I’m doing a sort of a scrapbook in my notebooks as well.

Cotton Candy

I think that with a name like fairy floss this candy pretty much speaks for itself. It’s sweet and flavored (if you’re lucky) sugar melted and dried by a cooling fan. Usually it’s melt-on-your-fingers pink and lick-your-lips blue. I had to go to the local fair recently to snag a monster-sized bag, no questions asked!

FAMILY

The little family I have makes me happiest of all. If I didn’t have them I would be a lot crazier than I am now! 😉 Ben has always been amazing to me and Colette makes me smile more than I ever thought I could! Everyday with them is the best day.

psychedelicake
Old inspiration sketch.
Design Your Life

Awakening the Divine Intuition

06/25/2010

When you first meet someone, your body goes through an entire system of processing input, long before you’re even cognitively aware of what you think about the other person. This process is a collaboration between your senses and your intuition, and it helps you “know” the most important things you need to know about a person within the first few seconds of an encounter. You’ve certainly experienced this before: someone introduces themselves, and immediately you feel your body either opening up to them, or closing itself off. This is due to your body interpreting all kinds of different input and making conclusions that tell you what kind of situation you’re dealing with. It takes into account things like the person’s walk, talk, smell, or eye movements, and decides whether the person is aggressive, shy, nervous, confident, and so forth. Theoretically, if you follow what your intuition tells you and don’t let the process go any further, you can know within a minute if you are in a safe situation or a dangerous one, and to what extent you can relax around this person, both physically and emotionally.

that book

However, what happens after the initial data filter in your “belly brain” or intuition is that the information then goes to the next stage of filtration, in the brain. This is where a less accurate assessment goes on, where your habitual behavioral recognition skills kick in. It’s kind of like you have a database in your mind of all your past experiences and familiar patterns, and when you get in a new situation, your brain tries to make sense of what’s going on by comparing this situation to things it has seen, heard, or experienced in the past. It then tries to categorize this new person in a way that it can recognize and understand.

This is where the problem is. We have a lot of built-up defense mechanisms in place based on beliefs we have and stories we tell ourselves. We have learned and inherited a lot of prejudices that we use to apply to new people, regardless of what our intuition tells us. For example, perhaps when we meet a woman with fake breasts and a fake tan, we automatically assume she is shallow or insecure. Or maybe when we meet a guy with crooked teeth and a southern accent, we assume he is uneducated. When we let this second phase of filtering override our intuition, this sets us up for problems down the road.

Think of it this way: remember when you had that awful breakup, and then when you looked back on the relationship, you realized you knew it was going downhill long before it actually did? Knowing in your belly that things aren’t right is your intuition at work; deciding to ignore the bad gut feeling and continue as if everything is okay is your brain overriding your intuition. It’s strange that we have taught ourselves to do this, because it doesn’t benefit us in any way. Your body never lies, but your brain will tell you whatever it wants you to hear, whatever will protect it from pain in the short term. The brain is a wonderful servant, but it’s the intuition that is the better master. Your “belly brain” is a much more accurate connection with the truth, and the second-hand information from your brain, while useful in many respects, should never be taken as your sole source of facts.

So if the intuition has precision accuracy to lead us out of danger and into happiness, and the brain is flaky at best in this regard, then why do we do we so often override our intuition in favor of the brain? This is exactly what the divine feminine in each of us is crying out about, and it’s why it’s so important, especially in our complex culture, to reawaken her and let her do the job she does best. So much has been written about our systematic blocking of our intuition, but suffice it to say that until we learn how to reconnect and relearn to inner-view, we will continue to put ourselves in dangerous situations.

Sit down and make a chart of body versus brain, and find out which has led you astray more often.

Design Your Life

Three Things That Aren’t Worth Crying About and Why

06/22/2010

“Your To-Do List, is crying on there? If not then get busy.”
– Glamour Magazine

I truly cannot even begin to tell you how many times I’ve crumbled under the weight of all of the things I scribbled on my on-going ‘to-do list.’ It seemed like my life was run by a piece of scratch paper folded in my pocket. We know that it’s common, that it happens to all girls, but that doesn’t lighten the load in the slightest.

Well, not too long ago, someone mentioned something called a ‘Get To-Do List.’ Self explanatory, writing down all of the things that we get to do. And it definitely helps put your priorities in place and appreciate all of things that you get, and unknowingly take for granted.

clock

Get To-Do List

1. Go to the gym
Because: I have working legs and arms I get to work out.
Because: Nothing health-wise prevents me from working out. Some people don’t have limbs to run with or arms to lift weights with. I’m so glad I’ve been blessed with this opportunity.
2. Clean the house
Because: I’m fortunate enough to have a roof over my head, a house to clean and things to clean up.
3. Finish that term paper
Because: I’m fortunate enough to be able to get an education. Most of the people in the world don’t get to go to school and learn things. Even though it’s not always the most interesting way to spend my time, an education is such a precious privilege of mine.
4. Do laundry
Because: I have clothes and things to wash those clothes in. Some people wear rags. Or nothing.

See the difference between this and your regular list?

Boys (or Girls). Period.

We’ve all done it., sobbed into our pillow because a boy (or girl) broke our heart. Your chest literally hurts. And as cliché as it sounds, the truth is that it’s never ever worth it.

If he completely rejects you, then it’s probably for the best. Does it hurt to feel rejected? Certainly. But it hurts so much more to be in a one-sided relationship, or to be used. Besides, he’s obviously not worth it if he can’t even see what a wonderful pair you two would make like you do. That being said, there are most certainly cases where said boy is genuinely looking out for the best interest of everyone involved. Sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes, the boy says so not because the attractions not there, but because he knows he’s not ready and it’s not fair to either of you to pursue a relationship. Point being, if he’s straightforward and honest, it may hurt, but it’s no reason to cry. Shake it off, it happens to everyone.

If he leaves you for another (yes, even your best friend)/cheated on you, definitely not worth the water works. Why would you cry over someone so immature and downright cruel? No one like that should have power over how you feel. And as for the girl, should she be someone close to you, she obviously doesn’t have concern for your feelings, and youmight want to reevaluate your friendship.

If you never got your chance with him, there’s probably a reason for that. While I do believe that there are ” ones who got away”, I also believe in fate, and that it will eventually bring you to whoever you belong with when you are both ready. So if you feel like you never had a shot, maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe you should direct your focus elsewhere and wait for fate to take it’s course.

Spilled Milk

If you can’t fix it, there’s a reason for that. Move on and look toward the future.

Design Your Life

Living in Love and Health

06/16/2010

So it’s been awhile but we’re all pulling through! I had an emergency cesarian (my uterus wouldn’t stretch anymore!) and because of the early delivery my baby girl had to spend over a week in the children’s hospital. Seeing the amazing work that these doctors and nurses do was a very enlightening experience. Not only did I learn about caring for her from the best of the best, but these wonderful people were always making sure my Colette Fawn was getting healthier everyday. I am so thankful for absolutely every person involved in my delivery and in our recoveries. Without the amazing support we certainly wouldn’t have pulled through so bravely.

she's got me

.. and with that I’ve been assessing just how healthy (or unhealthy) my life has been in the past and making all sorts of changes (that’s right, I am a junk food addict).

Remember that it’s never to late to change who you are. No matter where you’ve been or where you’re going — you can change. Don’t ever let anyone judge you or tell you what kind of person you are — only you can know that. Be happy with yourself and only then will you find true happiness. Those of you who are asking for advice on dealing with this sort of thing, I can only tell you to be sure of yourself and to trust yourself. When you are happy with the person you are, you will live a much more positive life.

How to Stop Worrying: Self-Help Strategies for Anxiety Relief If you’re an anxiety queen like myself, this resource should help put you at ease and move you in a new direction towards recovery!

Are Bloggers Getting Stressed? Now this is something to read and think about as written by Lauren of A Typical Atypical for Independent Fashion Bloggers.

You’re Cut Off! What really matters in life? If you’ve yet to discover I think this show is amazing for that very reason! I don’t like judging people at all and it’s a huge pet-peeve of mine.. but Gia with the (adorable) one year old daughter makes me quite sad — she really missed out on some amazing experiences raising her child due to her laziness!

Tea ‘healthier’ than water ala BBC news — now that’s my kind of news.

“Drinking tea is actually better for you than drinking water. Water is essentially replacing fluid. Tea replaces fluids and contains antioxidants so it’s got two things going for it.” , says public health nutritionist Dr. Carrie Ruxton.

Design Your Life

Build a Great Relationship: Start from Within

06/14/2010

Dating can be scary. If you’ve just come off a divorce or a serious breakup, you may be wondering if it’s all worth it, or if you’ll just end up in the same place again. If your’e a single parent, you may be hesitant to start bringing someone new into your family’s life. If you’re newly on the scene after not having dated for many years, the thought of online dating can seem intimidating. For whatever reason, if you’re not sure how to approach the whole dating game, try these tips.

Put your most important foot forward. If you start out with “sexy” then that’s what people will value most about you.

Dating is not a sales pitch. Who you are is a sacred gift, it’s not a product.

Know that the single people around you are not your rivals. Smile, we’re all in this together! There’s enough love to go around, you don’t have to fight other people for it.

When you feel that spark of chemistry, ask yourself some questions. Is this excitement, or fear (they feel similar, but not the same)? Do you find yourself questioning your values and action and feeling insecure, or does this person really bring out the wonderful things in you, leaving you feeling invigorated and glowing?

Gently press the brakes. It’s okay to slow down, and it can keep you from making a desperate move that could end in disaster. If this person is really the right one for you, then they’ll be patient and let things happen in due course. There are 1.45 million potential partners out there for you – you don’t have do drastic things with this one right this second in a desperate bid to hang onto them. Just take a step back and think things through before making any big decisions.

Learn about this person and what they have to offer. The last thing you need is to get into a situation where its give-give-give on your end and take-take-take on theirs. You want someone who balances you, where the give and take are equal.

Don’t try to find people who would be attracted to the person you think you should be – go for the ones who like you for who you actually are! I used to put so much effort into making myself less high-maintenance because I thought people wouldn’t be attracted to my big nature. Turns out, my husband loves my big nature exactly the way it is!

Resist the urge to drop your drawers until you’re sure this person shares your relationship goals, and that they feel the same way about you! The day after you have sex is not the time to find out they just want a casual fling, if you’re looking for marriage.

Prepare yourself for your new relationship with a daily clearing ritual. Let go of old items or photos that only bring back painful memories, or you can do what I did and have a wedding ceremony with yourself so that you make the most important commitment of all!

Stick to your guns when it comes to deal-breakers. Perhaps you won’t tolerate a drug-user. Or maybe you can’t stand to be with someone who’s into porn. We all have areas where we draw the line – make a list of yours so that you aren’t tempted to bend those lines. You can learn more about deal-breakers by getting a copy of Hindsight, What You Need to Know Before You Drop Your Drawers.

Never compromise your safety or integrity – trust your true instincts, and don’t set yourself up to fail!

But if you want the best piece of advice ever… it might take you a long time to get in etched in your mind, and to put it into practice, but here it is: Great relationships begin within! ®