Design Your Life

Shame, Shame, Shame… on Who?


We have plenty of excuses for Tiger Woods’ sexual mis-steps: “Powerful men have a higher sex drive,” says one expert; “Men are just wired that way,” says another. “If women don’t want their men to stray, they need to turn up the passion in the bedroom.” And I say – Pleeeeze!

Tiger Woods hits the front pages, and instead of fans cheering they’re reeling from his admission of foul play. Gasp! “Powerful men have a higher sex drive,” says one expert; “Men are just wired that way,” says another. “If women don’t want their men to stray, they need to turn up the passion in the bedroom.” And I say – Pleeeeze! We all know that men do not have a corner on the hormone market; the secret’s out and the facts are in, so enough with this foolishness—at least come up with something original.

Instead of acquiescing to what’s PC and getting on the oh-so-boring, poor, poor, sex-depraved male bandwagon, how about I direct your attention over here, to what I’m calling SI: Spiritual Incontinence. Defined: a sudden swift departure from one’s internal compass, brought about by the unconscious wound of separation. SI, I believe, is a malady that most of us who live in the western world not only suffer from but, ironically, subscribe to. We know what the high road is, and choose to submit to our lower nature, to hell with the consequences. And yes, I said choose.

It’s one thing to be broke and uneducated and thus make poor choices out of ignorance; it’s another to be out of integrity and behave abominably on purpose. You see, I am not a believer that people do the best they can; nope, I believe that people just do what they do. (And, in many cases, whatever they can get away with.) Unless you are a bona fide junkie, addicted to the rush of break-up and make-up, wake up and smell the truth:

First, being famous, powerful, rich or having a penis, in general, is not a precursor to infidelity or cheating. The difference between being a cheater and having cheated is gaping. If you don’t know the difference, bone up and grow up. There is no longer an excuse for not educating yourself unless you cannot read.

Second, women who choose to be in relationship with men who are cheaters do so because we are either afraid to be abandoned or alone, are financially dependent, are defined by a man wanting or loving us, or simply do not yet honor and respect ourselves. NOT because we love him and want to stand by our man. This is immature love and romanticized attachment. And if your man has moved from having cheated to being a cheater, he doesn’t need help. You do—get some, and some self-respect while you’re at it. You will be thrilled you did in the long run!


Third, do you know what one of women’s greatest strengths is? One of our greatest gifts? Our intuition. Use it or lose it. Look, we know! We see the red flags; we just …want what we want. We want handsome, tall, and strong/rich, powerful, and sexy/ hunky, artistic, etc., etc., guys who will sweep us off our feet and we’ll live happily ever after. We like the idea of love, not the reality. And I gotta tell you this; fantasy gets us into more trouble than just about anything. Slap yourself. Pay attention. Do your homework. Very few men turn into cheaters who were not already cheaters of some kind. The writing is on the wall—read it OR pay the price. How much is your peace of mind, your soul, worth? I’ll bet Mr-pro-golfer’s wife is asking herself that right now. Heavy price to pay, I say!

And four and last (for now, anyway). Wanna stay a victim and a blamer, or embrace the path of a skilled relationship warrior goddess? Maybe it’s time to fan your inner flame, turn up the volume of your passionate heart, and say YES to what’s most sacred and NO to what is not. To deny any suitor who has not taken care to bow before the divine, honor women and children, to live by the code inscribed in their deepest core, whose life reflects this on and off the field! How about you…shame on who?

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  • Reply erica 01/08/2010 at 2:05 pm

    You hit the nail right on the head! Thank you for posting this, so many need to hear this!

  • Reply Mandi 01/08/2010 at 9:10 pm

    Amen sister! Excellent post.

  • Reply Rummy B. 07/30/2010 at 3:50 pm

    Mandi dear, I do hope that the only reason you have a double swastika as your avatar is because you didn’t realize it or you meant as the Buddhist symbolism, and not because of its Western symbolism.

    • Reply Amber Renée 07/30/2010 at 4:02 pm

      Aw! That’s a computer-generated avatar that is completely random.

      However the swastika is a symbol for good hope and the Buddhist swastika is almost always clockwise while the Nazi swastika is counter-clockwise.

      The swastika’s Indian name comes the Sanskrit word svasti, meaning good fortune, luck and well being.

  • Reply Rummy B. 07/30/2010 at 3:54 pm

    Or because they’re totally random! So sorry. But really, that design should’ve been picked a little more carefully.

  • Reply Rummy B. 07/31/2010 at 12:07 pm

    Yes, that’s why I mentioned the Buddhist meaning. ;]

    I think the Western and Eastern swastikas are also rotated a bit differently, however, many Westerners don’t know this. So first instinct for many is NAZI!

    On a side note, do you know if these avatars are mandalas(sp)?

  • Reply Amber Renée 07/31/2010 at 2:16 pm

    I just didn’t want you to be offended! 😉

    I know what you mean.. when I lived in Japan many of the Westerners were pointing out all of the swastikas not realizing what it originally meant!

    I wish these avatars were mandalas! How rad would that be for it to create computer generated mandalas for every Miseducated user? They’re just computer-generated random icons.. if you want to CHOOSE your image used here you can go to and set it up on your email. 😉

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