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Design Your Life

The most important thing you’ll choose is how to live your life.

Design Your Life

Living Up to the Princess Influence

12/13/2009

When we’re younger, a huge amount of us girls grow up with The Princess Syndrome. A lot of us latched on to a favorite Disney princess. If not Disney, perhaps another storybook princess. She helped to shape us as we grew up and for good reason. She was beautiful, kind, smart, loving, maybe animals flocked to her when she sang. It was all very awe inspiring.

As we grow up, do we lose The Princess Syndrome? Is it something we should hold onto? While I don’t always agree with waiting for Prince Charming to save you, I think that Princesses still offer a good framework for an individual.

Princess stories are often a transformation tale which can still remind us to not lose sight of becoming the best we can be.

Princesses are often very kind, caring, and empathetic which is something a lot of people lose when they get older and get out into a colder world. It’s something to hold onto. It’s a gift that keeps on giving.

Princesses are often kind to animals. This is an important thing to learn as a child and something we should hold onto. Relationships with animals are incredibly rewarding.

Princesses are often courageous. Fighting for what’s right and for their own happiness. I know so many people who forget this. It’s something you should never stop fighting for.

In Cinderella type stories we are taught to never give up and that your situation does not define you.

Princesses like Belle teach us that beauty starts from the inside and it’s best to look to see who people really are outside of appearances.

Snow White was kind to animals and less fortunate individuals. She teaches us to look after the needs of others.

Ariel teaches us to be strong willed and brave. She also teaches us that what seems impossible can in fact be possible if you believe and if you try hard enough.

All of these things can and should still be implemented into our lifestyles as we become adults. Perhaps the biggest change I would make in Princess stories would be to show that you don’t need royal blood or a marriage to be a Princess. Every girl can be one in her own right. It’s all about embodying the positive traits and outlook. Sometimes it’s still a good thing to look back to our childhood heroines to remind us of things that are easily forgotten.

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Design Your Life

Can a Bad Relationship Make You Sick?

12/11/2009

There are so many ways in which relationships affect our overall health. Recent studies have shown how coupling can add years to your life, boost your immune system and even help with anxiety and depression. Naturally one might wonder what influence the end of relationship might have on your health and wellness.

Most of us don’t have to think to hard to conjure injurious feelings about a relationship gone bad. And while the pain and grief due to botched relationship vary from one individual to the next, we need to explore our baseline beliefs about everything rather than jump to overly simplistic ideology. “My relationship ended, it felt bad and now I am sick because of it,” is precisely the kind of unexamined thinking and superficial generalization that spins us into imbalance in most cases.

For example, most of us don’t take into account how we arrived to relationship. Did we come healthy and balanced? Did we know who we were, what we wanted, were we purpose-driven and spiritually and emotionally actualized? Did we know how to sleep alone, be alone, fulfill our needs ourselves, and understand that we are responsible at all times for our own reality? Had we taken care to understand the complexity of human emotions and feelings and how to maintain inner peace and harmony BEFORE we met our beloved ~ would they have thrust the blade, turned it and left us for dead? I suspect, should you honestly ask yourself these questions, I think not.

Rather, most of us sidle up to our relationship candidates, seducer or seductress in full force, selling some version of ourselves we find acceptable and hopefully lovable so as to better secure our hostage. The person that will make it all better, soften life’s hardships, ease our fear, anxiety, help lift our depression etc, in exchange for ~ well, whatever we sell it for. How much do we pay to have someone comfort us in the night because we are afraid to be alone, to walk our path alone; to have someone hear us, see us, love us, accept us, celebrate us? We rarely think of this, as we are seduced ourselves into the story of Happily Ever After, hopefully swept into bliss where we can hide or be transformed there, rather than in the suffocating truth of aloneness.

Yes, we are safe from many ailments in relationship for a while, but most of us come to find, “wherever you go, there you are.” Eventually, whether in relationship or not, whatever shadows you have run from/tried to camouflage or hide/temporarily derailed/quelled return. Only, oddly, we look at our partner and think they now are the culprit! The relationship ends and we pick up where we left off. The same anxiety returns, the depression, low self-esteem, loneliness, etc., etc. Our symptoms multiply in the wee hours of the night when we are unable to distract ourselves, until perhaps we manifest an ailment we can point at and say, “Look at this, I am alone, therefore I am ill and out of balance!” Round we go chasing our tail (or tale), not quite seeing that it is alone we must be to know we are never alone ~ it is with ourselves we must know who we are and not. It is in our own presence that we must ultimately embrace the truth; that the wound of separation, when not seen for what it is, keeps us “Chasing Amy” (illusions) and never knowing the freedom, balance or joy that is available in sickness and health, until death do you part.

Video

To see Maryanne talking about the need to “go where you’re frightened,” watch this video:

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Design Your Life

Five Male Myths Finally Busted

12/08/2009

There are a number of myths out there floating around about guys and gals ~ usually perpetuated by members of the opposite sex. Some have a bit of rooting in fact, while others don’t. Here, I debunk a few myths about males.

Top 5 male mating myths

All the good ones are taken

A man’s penis has a mind of its own

All men only want one thing

Men are dogs

Good guys are boring

male

So let’s start at the beginning:

All the good ones are taken

Let’s start with the word ALL. Right away, this sweeping generalization has to tip you off to the fact that’s it not even possible to get around to all 3.4 billion members of the male population to test this ridiculous yet popular notion. Instead, this is an idea conjured from a deeply lacking mentality. I have never believed this. Rather, I thought “So many men, so little time.” And so it was true for me. Energy flows where attention goes, right? So maybe you need to switch up your internal chitchat. Remember, water seeks its own level—like attracts like! OUCH, I know, that stings, and sucks to be with. You may want to consider that perhaps your belief that there are no great ones available is simply a clever way to avoid looking at who you are being and why you attract the kind of men you do. Man up, ladies and take a good look in the mirror. You may not like what you see, but know this—until you do, in the long run, neither will anyone else!

A man’s penis has a mind of its own

Really. This may be the world’s oldest excuse for men behaving badly. Want proof? Set up an interview with one (a penis, that is). I think you’ll find your subject disappointing, aside from one rather impressive calisthenic move. Bring a tape recorder in case you’re the one person in history that will get one to talk instead of drool. Be reminded, ladies, of the definition of mind: That which is responsible for one’s thoughts and feelings; the seat of the faculty of reason.” Should any man want to argue that his penis is the seat of his faculty of reason, RUN!

All men only want one thing

That’s so insulting, not to mention untrue. Donald, my fish, wants more than that. Think about it. If it were true, men would never get into relationships, never marry; heck, never leave their houses, and Vaseline stock would be worth billions. Yes, men love sex, most people do—but don’t sell yourself short.
It may very well be that you have learned (as many women do) to value that most about yourself, and therefore attract men who place that extremely high on their priority list. Again, go to the mirror. What do you value most about yourself –really? What do you believe? The man you attract will simply reflect this belief. How much time and energy do you spend trying to be attractive and alluring? Get a handle on your beliefs and check in with your archetypal seductress; maybe it’s time to re-group, re-prioritize and re-think what you’re putting out there. Lead with sexy, get sex. Lead with your magnificent, authentic, sacred self and, believe it, you’re 100 times more likely to attract the same!

Men are dogs

If you approach any man thinking he’s a dog or someone to be trained, you are in trouble. Relationships are challenging for most of us under the best of circumstances; don’t make it harder by starting out at a deficit, holding anyone you’re interested in such low regard rather than in their highest light. Great relationships require a huge deal of respect to make it over the long haul. If you suspect the person you are with to be operating out of their lower nature, move on. It’s the loving thing to do. We don’t need to pause and let them know what we think needs to be improved, or (in detail) how we feel about the way they are choosing to be. Just notice that it doesn’t jive with what you want for yourself in a partner and respectfully—GO. A great definition of Love I recently heard: Let others voluntarily evolve. WOOF!

Good guys are boring

Yeah, if you’re a drama junkie. Well, are you? My mother, God bless her, said something to me I have never forgotten. I made the mistake of telling her I was bored once, when I was probably 10 or 11. She smiled and looked squarely at my little face and said simply, “Well, honey, if you’re bored, you’re boring.” I don’t think I’ve been bored a moment since. My mother taught me the lesson of a lifetime; that I am the only person responsible for my delight, my joy, my entertainment and happiness. That the party is wherever I am. I will always be grateful. So many of us women think it’s a man’s job to manage our emotional thermostat. If you want romance, take a bath and light some candles, buy yourself some chocolate or flowers. And while you’re at it, you might want to take a hard look at your relationship history and patterns and explore your love imprint. Saying all men are boring is overly simplistic, and you may miss out on someone who is a sleeper, someone who just needs a while to warm up. Happy trails!

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Design Your Life

Design Your Own Career: Part One

12/08/2009

Part One: What’s Your Calling?

“The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them.” – George Bernard Shaw

Convention, we nearly all assign ourselves to it on some level or another; whether it’s three square meals a day, two point four children or a standard curriculum education. However, there comes a point in the life of your average creative when they realize convention just won’t cut it for them any longer, most powerfully when it comes to their careers.

Sometimes, even though it would be easier for an individual to ignore their talent, their desires, their dreams, and opt for habitual obedience and a fixed wage, they just can’t quite swallow the dry pill that is the conventional career. Is this you? Then this series is here to help.

Whether you’ve got no idea where to start, or you’re a seasoned freelancer looking to get back to basics, ‘How to Design Your Own Career’ will take you from the very basics of figuring out just what it is you should be doing, the traits you’ll need to be successful in that career, getting qualified and making it pay. From artists to jewelery designers, writers to life coaches and more – it’s in your hands to create a self-sufficient, fulfilling and profitable career. So, how about it?

What should you be doing?

“Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart to give yourself to it.” – Buddha

You may know that a conventional career isn’t for you, what you may not know is which creative path you’d like to take. Deciding early on is desirable, as the more work you can put in now, the sooner you’ll get there. For sure success, you’ll also want to stoke a very organic, fiery desire within yourself, aimed at a certain path.

However, the creative mind is oftentimes a confused one – there’s just too much going on in there! For that reason, it may take a little self-research to conclude just what it is that you want to make your living doing.

If you’re stuck, try this exercise:

1. Find yourself a private space where you can sit comfortably, equipped with a notepad, pen, warm drink and perhaps some motivating music playing quietly. Gather five to ten items that interest, excite or inspire you. For example: a great book you’ve read (fiction or non-fiction) a magazine clipping, a beautiful image or photograph, a piece of jewellery or clothing, a CD or DVD etc. Try to vary the items as much as possible (although this isn’t essential) and spread them out in front of you.

2. Study the items and try to note down answers to the following questions:

  • What unifies them?
  • Imagine they were the belongings of a fictional character (i.e. not yourself) what would that character be like? Could you aspire to be more like this character? What career would fulfil this character?
  • With each item individually, try to create another item from it. For example, a Jazz CD could relate to a Jazz club (real or imagined) and you can picture how the Jazz club would be decorated, perhaps with a mural or mix of antique furniture.
  • Of all the items, real and imagined, which feels most exciting or ‘hottest’ to you?

3. Leave your notes for a day or so, and then return to them in the same setting. Brainstorm careers around the ideas you generated, even if they don’t exist, even if they’re silly, even if you don’t believe for one minute that you could make a living out of them.

4. Further questions you might like to ask yourself and brainstorm from are: what do you most often think about? (Food, fashion, a certain sport etc.) What do you most often read about? (What kind of article would you stop to read in a magazine, or what book would you pick up in a library?) What is currently on your mind? (When you’ll get a chance to watch that new movie, or your next holiday etc.) Again, what feels ‘hottest’?

5. Once you have certain topics in mind that inspire you, think about how you could make a career from them. What are the different ways people have done this? Who are they? How did they do it? How could you do it differently?

What you should know is that any career, any career you can think of, is made up of a series of ‘steps’. This, low and behold, is why it is called ‘the career ladder’! All you need to do is determine what these steps are, from your current position, and start taking them.

If your creative career doesn’t exist – create it! Thanks to the internet, the world of work is changing. The middle man’s days are numbered and we are freer than ever when it comes to how we can generate income. Online business is lucrative for the individual, and can be forged from an almost innumerable amount of hobbies, skills and interests.

Many people think they need a ‘big break’, or lots of money to begin with, and this can be the case, but don’t you think that even if you just reach, say, step seven, you’re far more likely to be noticed for your hypothetical ‘big break’ than if you lounge around at step zero? Precisely.

The truth is, the career of the creative is often made up like a tapestry, weaving together several income streams, some more attractive than others. Many people take the option of what we’ll call ‘half creative’ living, where they work a part-time or even full time job, and pursue a creative career alongside it. If followed with enough ambition, this option can often lead to ‘fully creative’ living.

Only you can know which choice is right for you but, if you’re really serious about designing your own career, you need to dedicate as much time as possible and, if not, have a strict regime of how you’ll use the time that you can dedicate. We’ll look more at time-keeping, and other positive traits you’ll need to develop for successfully creating your own career, in the next part of the series.

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Design Your Life

How Well Do You Know Yourself?

12/02/2009

Your relationship with yourself defines so many aspects of your life. So how is it? Do you know what you want and who you are? Do you have a strong sense of self? How do you know?

Think about your morals and values. Where are your limits and boundaries in life? What do you cherish or hold valuable?

What about your personal relationships? Who do you hold close to you and why? What traits do you value in a person? How do you interact in these relationships?

Picture your ideal life. What’s in it? Who’s there with you?

Think about your past, especially focusing on crucial events. How did you react then? How would you react now? How have you evolved as a person? Are you still hung up on something that happened in the past? Why? How will you get past it?

What goals do you have in life? Where do you want them to and what do you hope to learn?

What influences you in your life? The opinions of others or your own? Who inspires you? Why?

Think about your childhood and how you’ve been shaped as a person. How were you influenced as a child?

Where do your passions lie? What do you love doing? How can you do that for the rest of your life?

What should you do if you can’t answer these questions?

It’s time to do some soul searching and self analysis. One thing I find helpful is to make yourself a “Self Exploration Notebook” where you can write down all these questions and start to answer them as you think about them. Think of it as making a map of yourself. You can even go further and start to ask yourself different questions that really make you think. Try to take time to write in it every day and see what you come up with.

Consider yourself as the world views you. Think about what kind of an impact you’re making and how those closest to you view you. Think about how a complete stranger views you. Is it how you view yourself? If not, what’s different?

Take time to evaluate all of your relationships. Think about family ties, romantic relationships, and close friends. Are these healthy relationships? How do they impact your life?

Consider the endless possibilities that you are faced with in your life. You can do anything and with all those options you’ve got to sit down and think about them. Think about your happiness and the path that leads toward it.

Continue to get to know yourself better every day. Think about your actions and the drive behind them. Think about your choices and the reasons you make them. Think about your daily interactions and how they affect you. It’s never time to stop exploring. Your map is constantly changing.

Don’t give up. Even if you’re a stranger to yourself the benefits of finding who you are as a person are endless. It’s one of the most important things you’ll ever do.

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Design Your Life

What’s So Fake About You?

11/18/2009

What comes with knowing yourself? Oftentimes it’s too overwhelming and intimidating, and we return to our previous patterns. If we’re persistent enough to embrace who we really are, it can still be a lonely road. Sometimes, finding out the truth about ourselves just seems to be too much trouble. So we keep making the same mistakes and falling into the same patterns because we haven’t really unwound and understood the root of these patterns in the first place!

Someone once (or twice) said, know thyself. Let’s see; the Oracle of Delphi, Jesus, well, heck, about everybody worth mentioning has some twist on it. Why? Most of us who have been in therapy, read numerous self-help books, etc., are left being mostly acutely aware of what is wrong with us and eventually head back to the barn (what’s familiar). There is only so much we can take. And those of us who hang in there still complain of the loneliness and austere life it seems the road less traveled requires. “To Hell with it!” we say, “Life is short and I need a reward for all this vigilance and self-examination, arrgh…pass the Kool-Aid.” So, we continue the search, now seeking elsewhere for guidance, and perhaps decide Popeye was right, “I am what I am” and get on with life.

If knowing the truth and ourselves is that much trouble, I can’t be bothered: I have bills to pay, mountains to climb, kids to feed, men to seduce (who will hopefully rescue me from it all), women to charm (who will hopefully distract me from my failures), pounds to lose, wrinkles to conquer, a legacy to leave so I can get to Happily Ever After already. So we ditch Buddha for Santa Claus (& Popeye) and keep looking for the secret. “Know thyself, ha!” we mutter and join the proverbial “if ya can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” crowd.

We manage to skate for a while on our latest distractions: a new love interest, new job, new cosmetic procedure, sudden influx of cash, new handbag or project. Yet the gap between how we act and who we are widens, and no matter what we tell ourselves, eventually the suffering returns, most of it silent. And we wonder why. So we up the dues: get more sex, more stuff, more money, more attention, better projects, a different house, another baby, another job, travel (that’s it! I need a vacation!), a face lift, a tummy tuck, lose 20 pounds, a younger wife, get another degree, REDECORATE for God’s sake… THIS IS AMERICA! The pursuit of happiness is my birthright!

Beneath the façade of fake smiles and the it’s all good story swells the raging sea of discontent, the cauldron of disappointment, chilled by terror and fueled by resentment that things are not different. This cocktail is lethal—we chase it down with envy and regret as the elusive dream slips further away.

According to scientists, our daily behavior is 90% subconscious. From years one to five a projection reel spliced with trauma, false beliefs and genetic inheritance has been cast upon our nubile brains: the reel continually spins out our reality, like the daily press, in predictable neural loops over our lifetime. It seems who we are is simply who someone else (“they”) told us to be. Most of us were duped and now are understandably pissed, as we find interrupting these patterns and uncovering who we really are feels like trying to stop a nose-diving 747 jet with a diaphragm.

You might cry, “Why do I pretend to be more than I am, have more than I have? Why do I feel that I am not enough, why don’t I want what I have, how come happiness escapes me, why do I believe that when I get (blank) everything will be okay, but that never seems to come?” The good news is, what is fake about you is NOT who you are! Who you are is magnificent, eternal, and unique. Yet until we know this true self we feel trapped in a life directed by an unconscious dictator, our subconscious beliefs and patterns.

While you may be tired, overwhelmed and have no bandwidth right now as survival is taking its toll, as my mother would say, “Don’t give up 5 minutes before the miracle.” Here is an exercise that may help you reignite your search for freedom of being, as well as put some pep back in your step—the energy it takes to pretend to be someone you are not, be fake, is extraordinary.

What’s fake about me? Exercise

1. Get a piece of paper and write down all the things that are fake about you (you may burn after reading, of course). Examples might be that you are:

Fake skinny: you spend an inordinate amount of time watching your weight so that people will find you attractive or so you will feel loved or seen. You fear that if you were fat you would never be happy, popular, get a man, be loved or accepted.

Fake nice: you spend much of your time trying to make people like you, manipulating your circumstances by being nice so you can get what you want, while underneath you seethe with resentment or envy of those who don’t seem to care what others think.

Fake rich: you pretend to be successful, you have mortgaged your life so others will think you are a person of worth, you lease your car that you cannot afford, buy clothes to create a false image, live in a house beyond your means, etc.

You get the idea, go ahead and explore all the fake parts: fake smart, because you believe you need to know so you can hide your fear of being inept or stupid; fake pretty, in hopes of being perfect-looking so you can finally be important, special or loved; fake happy, because you know people don’t want to hear your problems and would never want to be around someone as depressed and messed up as you really feel. Fake straight, fake sexy, fake sensitive, fake caring, fake in control, fake good mom, fake happy marriage, fake great relationship, fake healthy, fake spiritual, and on and on. Let it out. You have an opportunity to relieve yourself of the burden of living this secret life by simply admitting it!

2. Be with it. Sit down with what’s fake about you and move deeper into it. Exaggerate it, even. Give it a voice. Let the fake part or parts have a turn telling you about themselves. You might be surprised at what they have to say!

3. Feel it. Whatever feeling or emotions come, let yourself have them. Like a wave, they will not hurt you; they will wash through you and heal you if you have the courage to feel them all the way. (It could be helpful to have an enlightened witness to share this part of the process with, someone you trust to your core.)

4. Allow it. Relaxing into this allowing, comes freedom. In the acceptance comes understanding and then compassion. Including all our parts allows us greater freedom of being. Developing unconditional love for ourselves expands our capacity for intimacy and joy.

5. Know this is not all of who you are. My teacher Kathy reminds me of this fact all the time. I feel relieved and all at once welcomed back to the human race and condition. We find our right size again. This perspective gives space for a sense of peace and well-being, room to breathe and dream forward your heart’s true desires again. Your soul shines, your authentic self is free to be!
Namasté and blessings, freedom seekers!

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Design Your Life

Who Do You Push Out and Close Down?

11/12/2009

You’re getting with your friends realizing how amazingly successful everyone is (let’s be honest each one of them seems to divulge in a different success each turn) but do they really feel successful? If you often really ask people they’ll tell you they’re nowhere near where they want to be because we’re always striving for more.

Do you feel successful?

Being an artist as a career is tough.. no one wants to take you seriously, especially when you’re a tiny girl that loves cuteness. One day you feel you’re getting somewhere, perhaps you’re illustrating a new layout for your favorite art magazine, and then the next day immediately it feels like everything can be taken in an instant.

We are constantly averting our attention and watching as new art shops and artists pop online one after the other.. we’re constantly deciding who we want to succeed and who we want to fail.

We are? Yes. You’re deciding right now what succeeds and what fails, take a look at the support you have for the art or DIY community.. whatever you buy or pay attention to, you’re ensuring their success.. whatever you pass by without a second glance, you’re obviously not ensuring their success. We have more power than many of us like to think and it’s time we realize that.

If success was based solely on the artistic vision, genuineness, and quality then there would be no problem, but with the resurgence of options what really is getting weeded out? Is it the amazing acrylic jewelery artist who coined the peppermint ring? Are we purchasing the rip off and ensuring their success while the genuine artist is missing our patronage? It’s worth thinking about.

Is it tough to be unique in a world that’s constantly adopting your ideas and incorporating them into their own artistic vision?

All jobs are hard in some way and everyone can master something amazing in their lifetime.. why not also realize you’re ensuring your community’s success also?

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Design Your Life

Make a List: Naughty or Nice?

11/10/2009

When we don’t know who we are, what we want or have our priorities intact, we fall into the default loop that was programmed into our subconscious long ago. “I want someone handsome, tall, and strong; someone rich, who will take care of me, someone sexy who is great in le sac, etc.” At some point we start to realize these aren’t things that make a great relationship. Someone we thought was hot becomes really unattractive when their real character starts to show.

Here’s an email I got recently:

“I wanted to thank you also for your story about “presence” that you told at your talk recently at Open Secret Book Store in San Rafael. I had an important experience of that this weekend. I have been contemplating dating a man I met recently who is a financially successful lobbyist, and we have many other interests aside from politics. The wining and dining is great, but when we’re together, it is odd: he is always distracted by his cell, a meeting, not enough time, etc.

This weekend, another man, a very old friend, came to town…we’ve known each other 35 years (college). He came to my studio and asked about my work, and he was incredibly “present” with me. And you are right, it was a total and complete turn-on. Whoa!

The next day, I had dinner with the other man (the lobbyist) and he spent most of the time talking about how his recent ex-girlfriend is using a popular dating site and how her profile is full of lies, and that he ought to get his own profile on the site so he could compete in attracting new women (so what am I, chopped liver?). Not present at all. Big turn-off! We were supposed to go on a date this Saturday, to the ballet, but I canceled it because I decided I would rather have my own precious company, than his….

So I just wanted to echo what you said, that presence is really “IT”! and my back-to-back experience of it, with these two men, absolutely convinced me of what I want, and do not want, in a relationship with a man. Thank you for your teachings, Maryanne!”

A few days later…

“Hi Maryanne, so interesting what happens when I choose me. I came home to find a huge box of flowers from my college friend. I’m sure that saying goodbye to that lobbyist was the best decision I’ve ever made.
Thank you…”
J.Alder, Nor Cal

Bottom line, ladies and gentlemen: when we don’t know who we are, what we want or have our priorities intact, we fall into the default loop that was programmed into our subconscious long ago. “I want someone handsome, tall, and strong; someone rich, who will take care of me, someone sexy who is great in le sac, etc.” At some point we start to realize these aren’t things that make a great relationship. Someone we thought was hot becomes really unattractive when their real character starts to show.

I have met too many people who, time and again, confess that the things they thought they wanted weren’t essential at all—or, at minimum, fell lower on the priority list than they once realized.

Perhaps rather than “hot and successful” being at the top of the list, you could alter it some and require that certain other qualities be immediately apparent:

Present
Kind
Interested
Honest
Generous
Purpose-driven
Attractive
Sensual, etc.

So, yes, make that list, but check it twice as the holidays approach. Do you really want someone naughty or do you want someone one who’s mostly nice (and maybe a little naughty only on special occasions)?

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Design Your Life

Making Mondays More Miseducated

11/09/2009

Monday jokes rain out of people’s ears at offices.. I don’t know how it is where you work but I’m sure whatever day the work week begins on someone’s complaining.

Instead of thinking of Mondays as a bummer, think of them as a beginning to your inspiration overload sessions every week — begin to plan fun and personal growth activities *as well as* work, errands, tasks, etc.

.. and if scheduling seems like absolute hell to you and you have no issues with procrastination.. simply pass to Step 2.

Want more mood therapy techniques like this?
Key to Living the Law of Attraction
Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated
ALL Business is Show Business

Step 1

Schedule your day per hour — Write what you actually do beside it and next to that make 2 columns for you to rate how much pleasure you experienced during the activity and to what percentage you mastered it.

Again, make sure you allow time throughout the day for activities you look forward to.

taste
Sofia Coppola’s Marie Antoinette

Step 2

Incorporate more Miseducated whimsy and special you time into your Mondays.

Instead of taking a shower before you start your work day, take a bubble bath using sensitive Mr. Bubbles or your favorite bubble bath — play some inspiring music that you can hear while in the tub and brew a cup of earl grey tea.

Create your own (lots of recipes here!) or buy a new scented lipgloss to apply throughout the day, not just when lips are chapped! Think of ways to incorporate other new smells into your day such as an aromatherapy candle, nice-smelling lotion, sweet solid perfume, etc.

Master your skills. As you’re working imagine what you might do to keep on task better while still enjoying your day. For me this means the occasional walk-around break, snacks optional and listening to music or inspiring pod casts while I work.

Keep a little notebook in your purse or briefcase especially for inspiring sketches, notes and pieces of inspiring found-items. These little carry-along scrapbooks can be great sources of inspiration and remind you about experiences when you’re sitting down to work and communicate your ideas.

Decide that you’re going to rearrange a room in your home/apartment and surf online for delicious decor in your free time. Find ways to make your environment a little more you, a little more unique and much more inspiring! Sometimes just changing things up is very revitalizing.

My favorite movie since childhood, the delicious 80s glitter rock fest (The Labyrinth) complete with faeries and the rock king himself, always inspired me as everything, even the dirt, was covered in glitter. Sweeping your floor and feeling a little bummed? Sprinkle glitter in with the dust and even dust bunnies become just a little more magical.

It’s off to your local handmade market for you! Purchase some incense that smells great and a little decadent snack. When home, burn the incense as intended and relax near it reading and enjoying the occasional whiff of fragrant smoke. Don’t like incense? Try scented candles!

Write your best friend a good morning letter when you begin your work day. Chances are you’ll brighten her day as she is also at work and it’ll make you smile knowing she’s smiling. You might even get some sweet messages back throughout the day that make you feel wonderful for opening communication.

Grab a pack of post-its in your favorite color and write inspiring and positive messages to everyone signed, Happy Monday. Stick these on electric posts, subway windows, in your lover’s briefcase, on the milk in the fridge, on your coworker’s computer mouse, etc. <3 Don't overdo it, it's more special for those that find the surprises anyway. Kitty Rave! (both my and my best friend’s favorite way to wind down at night!) At night time when you’re relaxing and feeling a little excited that you’ve gotten through another Monday, turn up the dance music and dance around the house in your pajamas with your cat or dog. (my chihuahua gets really excited about this and bounces around the room) You’re getting exercise, they’re getting exercise and it’s really quite fun.. especially if you’re jamming to Kissy Sell Out. Often my husband even plays his electronic music live on kitty rave nights.

Have a great Monday!

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Design Your Life

Are your Friends or Lovers Holding you Back?

11/05/2009

The mutual flow of respect and support is essential to all healthy, sustainable relationships. Whether friends or lovers, we all want to believe those closest to us want for us to thrive, to fulfill our dreams and to achieve inner and outer success. Yet when this isn’t our experience, we might want to look more closely at the nature of these relationships.

I can remember getting what for me was my first big break in my budding media career. I squealed with delight when the producer called from a popular syndicated radio show asking to interview me. My heart pounded, my mouth went dry ~ I had worked so hard and now it seemed things were about to unfold. I was ecstatic.

After I enthusiastically accepted the invitation, naturally I couldn’t wait to tell the three people closest to me (okay, and a few strangers along the way, I couldn’t contain myself). The funny thing was, the one person I thought would be the happiest for me was anything but. Upset by his confusing affect, I pressed the matter. “Aren’t you happy for me? This is what I have worked so hard for, to get the message out there, but you seem upset?” He looked at me and unexpectedly said, “Now what, you’re going to be some big star and have to start traveling. I don’t want to be with someone who …” He didn’t finish the sentence. He didn’t have to, as it turned out; his attitude towards me and my being successful was a major culprit in ending our relationship a few painful years and many missed opportunities later. Opportunities that I passed up, afraid he would leave me if I didn’t.

It would take me years to identify and learn the importance of surrounding myself with supportive people. The mutual flow of respect and support is essential to all healthy, sustainable relationships. Whether friends or lovers, we all want to believe those closest to us want for us to thrive, to fulfill our dreams and to achieve inner and outer success. Yet when this isn’t our experience, we might want to look more closely at the nature of these relationships.

Signs of Un-Supportive Relationships

Making ourselves small ~ you notice you place others’ needs or wants above your own, or hold back your wants and desires because you are afraid to alienate friends or lovers.
Hiding our success ~ you hide or minimize or significant events or progress towards your heart’s desires, not to arouse negative response, rejection or criticism
Jealousy~ you notice people who say they love or care about you are giving you mixed messages about your good fortune or advancement toward your goals. I.E. You just graduated from law school, your friend slaps you on the back and sarcastically says, “How does it feel to be part of the bottom-feeders club?” or “Ya know, most lawyers don’t even end up using their degree!”
Undermining~ someone you care about purposely says or does something to throw you off track. Perhaps your single roommate conveniently doesn’t tell you your hot new boy friend called, twice; or doesn’t mention your name to someone who could help your career when they said they would; or worse, bad-mouths you behind your back.
Competitiveness~ maybe your buddy hits on a someone you have had your eye on for quite some time and then says something like, “Hey dude, snooze you lose.” Or picks your brain about your latest idea, takes it without telling you, and uses it themselves without cutting you in.
Devils advocate~ This person is always telling you why you can’t do something or why it won’t work, even when you don’t ask and they’re not an authority on the subject. “No one’s ever done that before.” “You can’t do that; you don’t have a license!” or “Where are you going to get the money to do that?” “She’ll never go out with you!” etc.

If you suspect someone you care about or love is holding you back, consider this: Great relationships begin within! No matter what they’re doing, we need to look first at how we treat and care for ourselves. Relationships stem from this fundamental truth.

*Another of what I call my 7 Essential Truths™ is surround yourself with supportive people! This may take some work, yet you will have a group of people in your life committed to you attracting and creating what you want. One of my husband’s and my marriage vows is “I want what you want for yourself,” and the friends I have today are as much fans of my living a rich, fulfilling life as I am of them doing the same. I am grateful every day to have them all in my lives!

If you have specific questions you want Maryanne to answer for you, please email us and she’ll take a look!

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