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Miseducated

Living Art: How To Make a Terrarium

01/22/2010

Terrariums are magical miniature pieces of nature that you can admire anywhere in your home. They are living pieces of art. You don’t even need to be a master gardener (I certainly am not) to put together and care for your own terrarium or dish garden, but you do need to know a few things about what kinds of plants need how much light and watering. Designing your own terrarium allows to you get creative and let your imagination run wild. You can include miniature statues of mythical creatures, little signs and pretty rocks. If you can’t find what you want, you can even make little mushrooms or animals out of oven bake clay.

Terrariums are enclosed, so the plants need to be small enough to grow inside of a glass jar, a small glass box or any clear container. Wide-mouthed glass containers with a removable lid are the easiest to work with because you have easy access to water and prune as you need to. You can even mount your terrarium on the wall in a light box or hang it from the ceiling in a glass globe. It all depends on your imagination and the things you can find. People have even made tiny terrariums inside old light bulbs!

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Tabletop Terrariums at Athopologie

You Need

A container
A group of small plant starters that will grow under the same amount
of light and watering.
Some sand or small pebbles
Activated charcoal
Spaghnum moss
Potting soil

You should plan out how you want it to look before you start collecting your supplies–make a sketch or just have a vivid image in your head. The first thing you will place in your container is a layer of coarse sand or small pebbles that is about one inch thick. This layer is for drainage and will keep your plants’ roots from rotting.

Next you will need to lay on a thin layer of activated charcoal–the same kind they use in aquarium filters to keep the air flow or water flow clean, so you can find this at the pet store. If you are planting in an open-air container you won’t need this.

Lay down your Spaghnum moss in a thin layer so that your soil won’t sink down into the charcoal and pebbles every time you water it.

Now you can add your soil. You can buy pre-mixed terrarium soil blends or you can just mix 2 parts regular potting soil, 1 part coarse builders sand (never use beach sand) and 1 part leaf mold (aka humus). You don’t need to add fertilizer because you don’t want the plants to grow very large and there is already a substantial amount in the potting soil.

Sometimes all your little plants require for watering is a good misting from a spray bottle to emulate rain. You should never place your terrarium in direct sunlight.

If you want to make a desert-themed cactus garden, this would be much easier to do in a dish rather than a terrarium. Since cacti and succulents need drier, sandy soil, you can use special potting soil
made for them or put your potting soil down and then place an equal layer of coarse sand on top after you plant your cacti. You don’t need spaghnum moss, charcoal or pebbles for a desert garden, but if you are using a planter dish with a hole at the bottom, be sure to put a small piece of screen over it so your sand doesn’t fall out. Also, unlike a terrarium, your cacti will need plenty of direct sunlight. Wear thick gardening gloves if you are working with sharp cacti!

Your cacti will only need to be watered about once a month. Always make sure you water your plants with luke warm water instead of cold water so you don’t shock the roots. Image someone throwing ice cold water on you on a hot day!

I hope I’ve sparked your interest for making your own terrarium! They make great little decorations and interesting gifts. Here is a list of a few small plants that would be good for a terrarium or dish garden but this definitely isn’t all of them. Do some research on the care of the plants that you want to use and let your imagination run wild as you plan out the look of your mini garden.

Irish Moss

Great for any tiny landscape and only grows to a max of three inches tall.

Miniature Peperomia

Stays small and and has tiny round leaves. Very easy to maintain.

Wintergreen

Grows to about six inches tall and is very hearty. Blooms tiny white flowers in the summer and smells minty.

Dwarf Japanese Sweet Flag

Tiny ornamental grass that resembles an Iris plant, but only grows to two inches tall.

Leptinellas

Looks exactly like an itty bitty fern and are often refered to as “mini ferns”. These are also easy to take care of.

Butterwort

Cool little carnivorous plant that attracts insects like a living fly paper and dissolves them with digestive juices on its leaves. Only grows to about one inch tall with sticky leaves but will bloom a pretty purple flower.

Mini Bonsai

Would be a cool addition to a dish garden but would be hard to maintain in a closed container because they need to be trimmed and trained into the bonsai shape.

Earth star AKA Starfish Plant

It stays under six inches tall and grows a rosetted star shape of long, spiked leaves. It is easy to care for and is perfectly suited for a terrarium because it loves humity.

Succulents

Cacti and other succulents like Aloe Vera and Jade grow very slowly and will eventually outgrow whatever container you put them in. Plant them when they are small and you’ll be able to enjoy your mini desert garden for quite a while.

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Boys, Guys and Men. Which is He?

01/21/2010

Will your partner make a good Dad?

You have amazing sex. You’re physically compatible. Each time you’re, well, intimate, you’re reminded of how great you are together. But is that all there is? What if you’re not alone? What if – even if you took precautions – you end up pregnant? Great sex doesn’t mean the man in your life will be a great father.

Sure, nine months later there COULD perhaps be a ring, maybe some wedding bells, who knows. Don’t you think it makes sense to find out which kind of man you are about to invest you and your child’s future in? The kind of man that thinks having sex is an awesome responsibility and believes they are as responsible as you are, no matter what happens?

Time to find out if you’ve got yourself a boy, a guy or a man.

BOYZ!

Boy meets girl. ~ Boy wonders what she looks like naked.
Girl says hello. ~ Boy thinks, She wants me!
Girl says, “Call me.” ~ Boy suspects he could get laid.
Girl says yes to date. ~ Boy brings prophylactic.
Girl agrees to kiss. ~ Boy initiates second base.
Girl agrees to touch. ~ Boy negotiates sex.
And so on, until when Girl wants commitment. ~ Boy wants to meet another girl.

This scenario is likely an adolescent encounter, one in which neither boy nor girl has realized their own worth. But we also see this pattern repeated into adulthood by guyz and gals. Then looks something like this:

GUYZ!

Guy meets gal. ~ Guy wonders what gal looks like naked.
Gal smiles. ~ Guy knows she wants him.
Gal says “I’ll call you.” ~ Guy gives her his office voicemail JIC she’s a whacker.
Gal initiates meeting. ~ Guy picks Tuesday night for early drinks, JIC.
Gal imagines what their children will look like. ~ Guy hopes she doesn’t talk too much.
Gal negotiates sex. ~ Guy rehearses story for optimal quick departure.
Gal calls for days. ~ Guy thinks, I knew she was a whacker.
Gal is convinced all men are pigs. ~ Guy wonders if she wants to have sex again.

In that scenario the man/boy has not yet developed, psychologically or emotionally, much beyond puberty. This unilateral relationship phenomenon is punctuated by his awareness of this fact and his unwillingness to tell you so.

MEN!

Man meets a woman. ~ Man wonders what she wants in life.
Woman responds warmly. ~ Man wonders if she is as open and capable as she seems.
Man extends invitation. ~ Woman accepts enthusiastically.
Woman tells man what she wants in life. ~ Man notices they want the same things.
Woman sees man’s actions are consistent with words. ~ Man develops respect.
Man opens his heart. ~ Woman drops her drawers.
Woman speaks her mind. ~ Man tells the truth.
Man and woman wake up and see what they can do to enhance each other’s lives!

Wanting sex is natural; wanting to touch, to be close, to be held—natural. You become aware that we are on this planet together, on a path of growth. In the meantime, we all need be reminded, now and again, of the difference between boyz and men. Particularly when it comes to creating what we want in a relationship…with children or not!

The definitions of boyz, guyz, and men come from Chapter Six of Maryanne’s latest book, Hindsight: What You Need to Know Before You Drop Your Drawers. If you’d like some time-tested, practical tools for your Relationship Tool Belt, you can buy the book at maryannelive.com and learn how to turn your dream relationship into reality! To see Maryanne talking about navigating relationships in shadows that are larger than life, click here:

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Book Review: ‘The Secret’ Starts Motivation

01/21/2010
thesecret

For the past few weeks, my life hasn’t really been what I’ve wanted. I was starting to feel distant from my friends, unmotivated in my classes, and just generally down in the dumps. The end of the semester left me drained, and I was looking for something that would turn my mood around. When I heard The Secret(by Rhonda Byrne) mentioned on a talk show, I became instantly intrigued. From how it was described, this book talked about how thinking positively can bring about instantaneous changes in your life. If you live your life based on The Secret, you can have whatever you want, whether that is love, money, health, or opportunity.

So I thought to myself: Love? Money? Happiness? Just by thinking? Count me in! I picked up a copy of The Secret from the bookstore on campus and started reading it right away. It starts with introducing what the secret is. According to this book, the secret to living is the law of attraction. Thoughts attract like thoughts. If you are thinking about being sad, the Universe will think you want MORE sad things to think about, so those will be delivered to you. Well, that made sense to me, so I kept reading. It then proceeded to explain how thanking the Universe in advance will bring things into existence. For example, if you are sick, say to the Universe “Thank you for making me healthy.” The Universe will see that you are grateful and deliver on that health. Also, if you pretend you have what you want, you will soon have it in real life. If you visualize the life you want to have, that will be the life you WILL have. Sounds easy enough right?

Well I decided to put the secret to the test. I figured I would just aim for small things, since those come into existence quicker. For my first test, I wanted to see if I could get attention from a boy I have been interested in. I visualized myself with him for a few minutes then went back to my day. About ten minutes later, I got a text from said boy. Coincidence? Maybe. But wait, there’s more. Over the past few days, he has been paying a lot of attention to me. More texts, hanging out, instant messaging. Other than the visualization, I haven’t done anything to attract this attention. So for test one, I declared success.

My other test was incredibly small. I was having some pain in my foot as I went to sleep last night, and the pain was keeping me awake. I began thanking the universe for keeping my body pain-free. Almost instantly, the pain in my foot went away. By this point, my faith in the secret was definitely building.

I plan on utilizing this secret more and more, and I’m interested to see how things turn out. If you believe in the power of positive thinking, I would recommend picking up a copy and trying it for yourself. And if you have any interesting stories about how the secret worked for you, I would love to hear them!

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Love Letter to Miseducated: Update

01/21/2010

I just wanted to let all of you lovely ladies know that we have lots of new articles coming soon for you to escape with. ♥ My full-time job is designing goodies for clients on and off line — after the holidays work went insane and now deadlines are all nearing. As I’ve said before, I wish I could devote a lot more, if not most, of my time to Miseducated and helping new artists — but it’s not in the cards right now. I am however continually working in the background to ensure our success, the miseducated women’s voice will only get stronger.

That being said I love and am responding to many of your submissions!

I am very much in the works of preparing articles from great new and current contributors.. I know you’ll love so many of these! Also I have recently heard from many great new artists who are dying for the chance to have center stage soon! Lots and lots of deliciousness headed your way.

Have some goodies you’re just waiting to see pop up here? Feel free to let us know so we can tailor some new content especially for you. 😛

By the way — did you see this rad complete list of all of our articles and authors here? What about the new emotikitties I pixeled out for you? Those smilies were getting on my nerves. 😎

xoxo

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The Cat Haiku

01/09/2010

An oldie but a goodie. 😉 We used to plaster this one on our kitty-themed websites along with tons of adorable information — how I miss the old silly days of web pages and graphic design!

The Cat Haiku

by Unknown

You never feed me.
Perhaps I’ll sleep on your face.
That will show you.

You must scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail! Behold,
elevator butt.

I need a new toy.
Tail of black dog keeps good time.
Pounce! good dog! good dog!

The rule for today.
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.

In deep sleep hear sound
Cat vomit hairball somewhere.
Will find in morning.

Grace personified
I leap into the window
I meant to do that

Blur of motion, then-
Silence, me, a paper bag
What is so funny?

The mighty hunter
Returns with gifts of plump birds
Your foot just squashed one.

You’re always typing
Well, let’s see you ignore my
Sitting on your hands.

My small cardboard box
You cannot see me if I
Can just hide my head.

Terrible battle
I fought for hours. Come and see!
What’s a “term paper”?

Kitty likes plastic
Confuses for litter box
Don’t leave tarp around

Small brave carnivores
Kill pine cones and mosquitoes
Fear vacuum cleaner

Want to trim my claws
Don’t even think about it!
My yelps will wake the dead

I want to be close
To you. Can I fit my head
inside your armpit?

Wanna go outside.
Oh, no! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!

Oh no! Big One
has been trapped by newspaper.
Cat to the rescue!

Humans are so strange.
Mine lies still in the bed, then screams!
My claws aren’t that sharp….

Cats meow out of angst
“Thumbs! If only we had thumbs!
We could break so much”

Litter box not there
You must have moved it again
I’ll crap in the sink

The Big Ones snore now
Every room is dark and cold
time for “Cup Hockey”

We’re almost equals
I purr to show I love you
Want to smell my butt?

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Shame, Shame, Shame… on Who?

01/06/2010

We have plenty of excuses for Tiger Woods’ sexual mis-steps: “Powerful men have a higher sex drive,” says one expert; “Men are just wired that way,” says another. “If women don’t want their men to stray, they need to turn up the passion in the bedroom.” And I say – Pleeeeze!

Tiger Woods hits the front pages, and instead of fans cheering they’re reeling from his admission of foul play. Gasp! “Powerful men have a higher sex drive,” says one expert; “Men are just wired that way,” says another. “If women don’t want their men to stray, they need to turn up the passion in the bedroom.” And I say – Pleeeeze! We all know that men do not have a corner on the hormone market; the secret’s out and the facts are in, so enough with this foolishness—at least come up with something original.

Instead of acquiescing to what’s PC and getting on the oh-so-boring, poor, poor, sex-depraved male bandwagon, how about I direct your attention over here, to what I’m calling SI: Spiritual Incontinence. Defined: a sudden swift departure from one’s internal compass, brought about by the unconscious wound of separation. SI, I believe, is a malady that most of us who live in the western world not only suffer from but, ironically, subscribe to. We know what the high road is, and choose to submit to our lower nature, to hell with the consequences. And yes, I said choose.

It’s one thing to be broke and uneducated and thus make poor choices out of ignorance; it’s another to be out of integrity and behave abominably on purpose. You see, I am not a believer that people do the best they can; nope, I believe that people just do what they do. (And, in many cases, whatever they can get away with.) Unless you are a bona fide junkie, addicted to the rush of break-up and make-up, wake up and smell the truth:

First, being famous, powerful, rich or having a penis, in general, is not a precursor to infidelity or cheating. The difference between being a cheater and having cheated is gaping. If you don’t know the difference, bone up and grow up. There is no longer an excuse for not educating yourself unless you cannot read.

Second, women who choose to be in relationship with men who are cheaters do so because we are either afraid to be abandoned or alone, are financially dependent, are defined by a man wanting or loving us, or simply do not yet honor and respect ourselves. NOT because we love him and want to stand by our man. This is immature love and romanticized attachment. And if your man has moved from having cheated to being a cheater, he doesn’t need help. You do—get some, and some self-respect while you’re at it. You will be thrilled you did in the long run!

kittylove

Third, do you know what one of women’s greatest strengths is? One of our greatest gifts? Our intuition. Use it or lose it. Look, we know! We see the red flags; we just …want what we want. We want handsome, tall, and strong/rich, powerful, and sexy/ hunky, artistic, etc., etc., guys who will sweep us off our feet and we’ll live happily ever after. We like the idea of love, not the reality. And I gotta tell you this; fantasy gets us into more trouble than just about anything. Slap yourself. Pay attention. Do your homework. Very few men turn into cheaters who were not already cheaters of some kind. The writing is on the wall—read it OR pay the price. How much is your peace of mind, your soul, worth? I’ll bet Mr-pro-golfer’s wife is asking herself that right now. Heavy price to pay, I say!

And four and last (for now, anyway). Wanna stay a victim and a blamer, or embrace the path of a skilled relationship warrior goddess? Maybe it’s time to fan your inner flame, turn up the volume of your passionate heart, and say YES to what’s most sacred and NO to what is not. To deny any suitor who has not taken care to bow before the divine, honor women and children, to live by the code inscribed in their deepest core, whose life reflects this on and off the field! How about you…shame on who?

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Design Your Own Career: Part Two

01/02/2010

Part Two: The Essential Elements of Entrepreneurialism

“He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fly into flying.” – Nietzsche

Hopefully, from our work together on the previous post you’ll have some idea of the unique career you want to build. Now is the time to look at what is required from you to achieve this, and how you can acquire, cultivate and harvest these traits to your best advantage. Even if you haven’t 100% pinned down your ideal career, working on this in the mean time will only serve to enhance your prospects.

That ladder again…

Designing your own career is not a clear-cut thing, so it does not merely entail clear-cut procedures to attain it, like achieving basic qualifications, writing an average CV or applying for an advertised position. Your own career requires more; it requires passion; it requires initiative and brazen ambition; it requires jumping on all opportunities, and manufacturing the opportunities if they don’t exist; it has to justify itself by the very splendor that the ‘work’ brings you, before you even begin to contemplate the money you could make.

That said, you shouldn’t lose sight of the practical measures in the design of your own career if you want to make a practical living from it. As I previously highlighted: whether we opt for the conventional or creative career, we are still on a ladder. The only difference is who chooses the steps.

You need to conjure your own steps, and then take them with dedication.

I strongly advise writing down your prospective steps if you’re serious about success. Designing your own career isn’t easy, in fact it requires far, far more work than any other option, but you must love this work, or at least love the thought of where it will take you enough to bury yourself in even its most mundane elements with reckless abandon.

I can’t stress enough how strongly you have to want to design your own career if it is ever going to happen, it has to burst out of you like bubbles from a shaken can – if it seems too much like hard work now, know that it’ll get harder before it gets any easier. I don’t say this to put you off, not at all; I’m here to encourage you! I simply want to portray the seriousness of what you’re embarking upon, this is a huge part of your life, so do it right.

But back to those steps…

Here’s a guideline:

Where you are now. Education and ambition, laying foundations by getting qualified and testing the water. A time for work-experience, seeking a mentor etc.
Establish a product. A book, a collection of paintings or photography, a brand, a form of design, a celebrity self, a voice, a viewpoint etc.
Refine, improve, and update product.
Sell product. Look at ways to sell more product/ market product. Create a website, go on tour, create flyers, get a stand at an event etc.
Refine, improve, and update product.
Expand on product; bring in outside help. Create more products/more angles to your one main product.
Let others sell product for you, whether commercial or not. Affiliate programs, Amazon, local stores or galleries.
Refine, improve, and update product.
Take product elsewhere, into new markets, perhaps re-branding it.
Ultimate goal. (Mansion? Fame? Florida retirement?)

You are always selling a product in any career, whether that product is yourself, your art, a service – you have something to offer, and you receive recompense in return. This is your product, but call it whatever you like: your offering, your merchandise, your ideas.

Don’t feel like you have to stick closely to the above guidelines, your own career is your own, after all, and the steps will be uniquely yours. Just make them clear, measurable, and place them somewhere you’ll look at often and repeatedly.

The top three traits to entrepreneurialism and designing you own career.

There is no magic formula that mixes to make you an instant entrepreneur. You should know already if you have a passion strong enough to carry you along your own unique career path, and that is the only real starting point. However, here are three factors I consider the most important in any aspiring artistic tycoon.

Be inspired because…

“If you have to support yourself, you had bloody well better find some way that is going to be interesting.” – Katherine Hepburn

You have to find a medium of work that has you jumping out of bed at 5am because you can’t wait to get started (okay, maybe 8am…); one that has projects ticking over in your mind all day and that you can viably dedicate hours upon hours of your time to, for what is often little or no pay to begin with.

Be sure to protect and nurture this inspiration, not take it for granted; take yourself on a cultural outing once in a while, make time for watching interesting movies, read books, and carry a notebook to catch your best brainwaves like butterflies in a jar. Think of your source of inspiration as a well that needs to be replenished often.

Be Fearless because…

“You’ve got to jump off cliffs, all the time, and build your wings on the way down.” – Ray Bradbury

You must be genuinely prepared for hard work and possible failures in the quest for your own career; but know that failing is never truly failing if we can take a lesson from it. Take chances, even if you don’t fully know what the outcome will be, even if you are only 60% prepared. Jump in at the deep end and you’ll probably find you can float, if not swim laps!

Be a risk-taker and an authenticist (new favorite made-up word meaning someone who is true to themselves.) If an opportunity scares you, it’s probably the exact one you should take. Dream big dreams and get a successful mindset because, if you act like a success, you will eventually realize success.

Be a Leader because…

“If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.” – Michael Evans

Have a message you want to spread and a clear goal in mind at all times, or else you’re liable to stray from it. Not that this goal should be unbending, but you need to at least be aware if it does morph into something else. Prepare an elevator pitch (aptly named to be short enough to say on an average elevator ride i.e. one to three minutes) if the ideal time to sell your product should arise unexpectedly; keep all your dealings consistent with this pitch.

Form your tribe.

Common Problems with the Creative Career

The above is all well and good, but we have to prepare ourselves for the bumps and knocks of entrepreneurialism too. Like in any conventional career, you will encounter blocks on the creative path. Often, though, these blocks will be internal issues, not external ones – making them simultaneously easier (you’re the only issue to get over, no middle man or external barrier) to be got over, and more difficult (changing yourself is notoriously tricky when you are the only person there to answer to; requires immense will.)

Again, this isn’t with an aim to put you off, but to arm you with a mindset to defeat them, and to help you understand why you’ll need to get good at the positive traits I’ve already mentioned.

Time-management

The bad news is that this is something you’ll have to get good at. The good news is that the way you do this is totally up to you. When it’s your own work, deadlines will often be wishy-washy or even non-existent, but what if you’re just not that organized generally? You need to construct a system for how you deal with your time, whether that’s ‘every night from 6-8’ or ‘I feel so inspired, I’m just going to spend all day on my art, even if I do nothing for the rest of the week’.

You must get to know your productive self and how that self thrives: first thing in the morning, last thing at night, on the weekend, at the library, with a laptop in Starbucks etc. You need to write down a system that works for you, even if you avoid anything too specific. For more on time-management, read my article on How to Avoid Procrastination.

Lack of Opportunities

On the last first part of this series I received this from a reader: “…what stands in my way are the meagre opportunities and the lack of support from family and friends who do not believe in setting up a creative career, and hence won’t help in finances and the like.” My words on finances will come later in the series, but opportunities and support are essential factors to be overcome in all creative endeavors.

Believe me, opportunities are out there. Seek and you will find. If opportunities don’t seem to exist, you must take action to create them. Dedicate a day to trawling the internet with keyword Google searches and save your findings in a ‘Favorites’ folder. There are people out there, just like you, succeeding in what you want to do; link up with them, get work experience with them, interview them for a blog, find out how they got where they are and mimic it.

Find courses you can take in or around your subject, as this is often the best way to meet real, working professionals in the business. Meet other creative people in your community; even if their skills differ from yours, you can work together. For example, a web designer could assist a photographer to build a website, and the photographer could return the favor with help on promotional pictures.

Lack of Support

Going it alone career-wise is very often championed by the introvert. Why? Because it can be a lonely business; it requires someone who is happy to depend on themselves and spend a great deal of time working over their own thoughts and ideas. I’ve been lucky, I feel I can achieve great things because of the support network I have, but I know this isn’t always the case. Financial support can be sourced elsewhere (more information on this to come later) but emotional support of friends and family is truly priceless – and without it you can feel a bit lost.

Join a community, whether locally or online, no matter your niche, one will exist somewhere. If it doesn’t – set one up, even if it’s only a Facebook group. This kind of support won’t act as a replacement for that of close personal relationships, but it can surely help, and who knows what will come of the links you will forge.

Depending on your situation, if you believe in yourself enough and start to see small successes, your family and friends will come around. You have to look for the positive, create the positive, and you will find that you will attract positivity.

Dealing with People

Despite what I’ve said on the subject of support, an independent career will never be 100% you and you alone. Whether you’re collaborating, targeting a certain market, networking – whatever – you need to know about people, even if that’s a very small niche of people. It’s in your interest to learn how to interact, impress, excite and enlighten your public – as much for their benefit as your own. Establish yourself as a go-to person in your business, and your success will only grow.

Consider this your initiation into the world of your dream career! Next up will be Part Three: Love & Learning in Equal Measure where I’ll consider questions of gratitude and education, before we move on to the essential question of cold hard cash in Part Four: Making Your Passion Pay.

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Power Animals: What is Yours?

12/26/2009
maneki

“I think I could turn and live with animals,
they’re so placid and self-contained,
I stand and look at them long and long.
They do not sweat and whine about their condition,
They do not lie awake in the dark and weep for their sins,
They do not make me sick discussing their duty to God,
Not one is dissatisfied,
not one is demented with the mania of owning things,
Not one kneels to another,
nor to his kind that lived thousands of years ago,
Not one is respectable or unhappy over the whole earth.”
~ Walt Whitman , “Song of Myself”

Animals have been admired, revered and even worshiped throughout the history of mankind. They are so beautiful and powerful that I sometimes think that we envy them, in the ways that we strip from them their coats and skin, or how we try to mimic their physical features. Although I’m not much for the skinning, I do love the cat-eye eyeliner effect.

You may also feel a special connection to a certain species, maybe even a sense of kinship. Do you find yourself enamored with fascination at the sound of a wolf howling, or have you ever stopped to look up at the sky as a hawk or eagle flew overhead? Is there a certain animal that stalks your subconscious mind and maybe scares you a little? Many indigenous cultures around the world believe that different animals all carry a lesson for mankind. An “animal totem” (also known as a “power animal”) is an animal spirit that watches over an individual or a group–looks out for them and teaches them what they need to know to survive.

I’ve always been fascinated by wolves and thought they were beautiful creatures. I started learning more about them and found out that they are very family oriented and support the other members of their pack. The females all help each other with the birthing and taking care of the babies, and I love the fact that they “sing” together by howling at the moon in an eerie chorus. They are also one of the few kinds of animal that mates for life, which really signifies to me how intelligent they are.

Like the loyal and family-oriented wolf, there may be an animal that reflects your own personalty traits, or represents to you a trait that you value. The beaver is an animal that works hard to build a sturdy structure for him and his family, a home that he can pass down through the generations. The eagle flies high over head so she can see for miles around, but she can still see when a field mouse peaks its head out of a tiny hole in the ground. After you learn more about your favorite animal, you might even discover that you admired them for a trait that you value that goes way beyond the physical.

The connection you have with a certain animal doesn’t always need to be spiritual. If you admire a certain animal for their physical traits–such as the antlers on a male deer, or the eyes of a cat or the paw prints of a dog, you can incorporate these symbols into your wardrobe or your home decor. The animal may even be so close to your heart that you feel compelled to get a tattoo related to them. Recently, an image of a piranha kept popping into my head, and it wouldn’t stop until I sat down and drew a picture of this animal. I think this particular animal was showing up in my subconscious because it represented my fears toward a certain situation, and I had to face that fear before it could stop tormenting me.

If there is an animal that wants out of your subconscious, let it roam free and howl or roar or whatever it wants to do. Let your inner doe run gracefully and silently through the trees. Try to see the world through your hamster’s eyes by getting down on his level. Imagine weaving a net-like home for yourself, suspended in the corner of a dark basement, waiting for your dinner to fly in. Animals represent our inner, primal natures that sometimes get repressed, and this is a side of ourselves that we should explore so that we can come to fully understand ourselves and the world around us.

Here is a short list of animals and the things that they generally represent:

Spider

Weaving illusions, writing or creating art.

Bear

Strength and protecting your family and territory.

Cat

Courage, agility and being able to see into the mysterious.

Dolphin

Playfully joyous and lovers of life.

Frog

Adapting to a situation and knowing when to leap.

Falcon

Knowing when to take swift action.

Dog

Loyalty and selflessly protecting loved ones

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Ask Miseducated: STDs and Ethics

12/26/2009

It’s always a painful situation when you feel like you have finally met the mate of your dreams, only to find out soon after that you were very, very mistaken. One of my students was recently in this situation, and shared an ethical dilemma that she had encountered as a result. All the names below have been changed.

Dear Maryanne,

When my goddaughter went off to college, I made sure that she had plenty of condoms, and a copy of your book. I’ve encouraged her to make smart choices, but unfortunately I wasn’t smart enough to follow that advice myself. As a result, my heart is broken, and I am paying the price for trusting someone who didn’t deserve that trust.
I met Darren through a friend of mine who assured me that everything about him seemed great. He was also a known philanthropist, and as I spent time with him I felt like he was the kind of person I could trust. As a result, I agreed to spend the night with him, and naturally the subject of condoms came up. But Darren insisted that he had been tested and was healthy, and stupid me throw all sense out the window and believed every word he said. So of course my heart sank when a few days later, after never having had an STD before, I had an outbreak that turned out to be herpes.
The first thing I did was approach Darren about this, but then suddenly he became evasive and wouldn’t speak to me about this so-called clean bill of health he supposedly had This just confirmed what I already knew, even though it was in Hindsight!
But now I have a decision to make. Should I just take myself out of the situation and let others worry about themselves, or should I tell the friend who introduced us not to recommend Darren to anyone else? My therapist thinks I should leave it alone now, but my conscience worries about the other women who could put themselves at risk. I’d be curious to hear your opinion.

Thank you,
Rhonda (full of regret and feeling stupid)

Well Rhonda,

you have experienced firsthand how getting in a sexual relationship too soon can distort the reality of a situation. It takes time to build that level of trust, and you need to allow yourself the opportunity to see whether this person’s appearances of integrity check out. This time buffer, combined with asking the 14 question that are outlined in Hindsight, can greatly increase your chance of spotting trouble before it’s too late.

Nonetheless, it is terrible to have to learn such a harsh lesson in this way, and I certainly feel for what you’re going through. You clearly have been trying your best to use your CORR® relationship techniques, and I’m sorry that in this case things crashed and burned so dramatically. When a friend recommends someone, it’s so easy to perceive that recommendation as some sort of guarantee of trustworthiness. But in the end, it’s up to you to find out whether the person you’re getting involved with has earned that trust.

letterTake some time and effort now to return to your loving center. You can do several things to aid this process. First, cover all your mirrors with paper for three days, and choose to look inward rather that at your outer reflection for validation. Rediscover who you are according to your highest self, and use your inner beauty and wisdom to help your reference point become internal again.

You can also benefit from a period of cleansing your sexual palate, and this will mean a period of dating during which you don’t take the relationship to a sexual level. This will allow you to explore why you were so happy to trust a man you didn’t know that well, and give you some insight into the kind of men you attract, and how you behave around them.

Lastly, a clearing ceremony can be tremendously cathartic and healing. Invite your closest friends to join you, create a sacred space, and fill it with all four elements, your favorite music, and things that remind you of beauty. Make a ritual of writing down all the things you want to heal, as well as the things you want to let go of. This is a very effective way to turn a disaster into an opportunity to love yourself.

Take your time – this process is not a race. When you feel centered again, I think you’ll see more clearly what you want to do. I am available if you need someone to answer some more questions.

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How to Prepare for the Holidays

12/26/2009
holidaysm

Like Ram Das says: You want to see how together you are, go spend some time with your family! This sentiment is particularly apt during the holidays, when emotions run high and painful memories are easily triggered. Especially if this holiday things are different than you would like them to be: i.e. you’re single (again), newly divorced, bringing someone home your family can’t stand, or maybe you simply dread the same old story your family dynamics dose on when you get together.

Here are a few tips that can help you face whatever may come with more confidence and grace than you’d imagined…

Embrace “what is”~ This is the quick way to holiday enlightenment! The sooner you accept people and things the way they are and not the way you want them to be, the more likely you are to experience some real joy! While this is no easy pill to swallow when you are feeling lonely, rejected, or not up for going a few rounds with your family, this truth will set you free. Try it; it’s the perfect gift to give this season.

Right-size your expectations~ If you’re aren’t quite ready to accept things the way they are, your next best bet is to curtail your expectations some. Try this (always works for me). Find someone less fortunate than yourself and do something wonderful for them. It’s a sure way to get an additional perspective. Sometimes we can get so righteous or stuck in our story we don’t leave any room for something different or magical to happen. The spirit of giving will soften your grinchy glare and open your heart up. ‘Tis the season to cut some slack. Plenty of time for therapy and analyzing everything and everyone come the new year!

Walk a mile in their shoes~ Refuse to participate in certain members of your family’s antics, or can’t possibly stomach your ex flaunting his “new and improved you” all over tinsel town when you’re still obscenely alone? Try a shot of compassion. While this is not easy, especially for novices (‘cause you have to actually care enough to take a moment and walk a mile in their shoes), in most cases it helps us take the edge off. Understanding that being human is complicated, and that we are all frightened and fragile whether we show it or not, helps ease the burden of needing everyone (including ourselves) to be perfect.

Stage fright~ Are you the type that thinks of the right thing to say or do after the fact? Like, you think of what you should have said, but freeze up and blank out and end up a mess? Then you need to rehearse your lines! Doesn’t matter who you are, when we are upset we don’t think clearly. No matter what awaits you, try and do a dress rehearsal so you can be prepared for anything. Write it down and carry it with you so you don’t get blindsided. And practice all the way there, and maybe even the day before if you have to. “No, Uncle Bart, I am not drinking right now. Thank you.” or “That’s lovely; I wish you both every happiness!” or “Congratulations on your new part in the upcoming porn film, I am sure you’ll be a great success.”

Let the train go down the track~ Need to make an appearance because it’s the right thing to do and aren’t interested in feeling, dealing or healing, or even saying the right thing right now (you know what they did, they know what they did, period)? I always say, when there’s a train coming down the track, get out of the way. Take a few deep breaths, count to ten, get something to eat, help in the kitchen, make call to someone who can help calm you down; and if that doesn’t work, excuse yourself, go straight to the bathroom, and re-group. Before you say or do something you will regret, remind yourself like a mantra, “Why should you always take the high road? Because that’s the kind of person you are.” Otherwise, leave town and send a Christmas card.

Have a pity party~ Speaking of leaving town: you might be fed up, feel the urge to fall apart, say the wrong thing, make a scene, behave badly, act inappropriately for the first time in your life, storm off and leave, or just stay in bed and wait for January. I say, let yourself have it. Maybe what you need is a little pity party. Go for it. Pick a start time and an end time and go for it. Maybe letting yourself feel what you’ve been stuffing is in order. Maybe you need to attend to some of what’s bottled up before it causes more damage to you or anyone else. Heck, you could invite some friends and just have a big negative merge! Who knows, it may be just what the doctor ordered.

Do overs~ If I feel like I can’t pull it together, or am unable to say something tactfully or gracefully, am intolerant, or simply full of crap and can’t get out of my own way, I ask for a “do over.” I attempt the right behavior, but if I can’t get it right, I will say something like “That didn’t come out right, I am so sorry, can we try that again?” Or “Maybe it’s better if we talk about this another time.” Then there’s always Plan B. I leave and try again next year… Give yourself permission to do what you have to do to take care of yourself!!

Bottom line: during the holidays, there is no more pain to be felt than at any other time of year. According to John James’ “Grief Recovery Handbook,” this is a fact. There are simply many visible associations with painful memories that keep us trapped in our habitual thinking. If we can remember that we are all connected, that most of us are doing the best we can, and that most of the pain and suffering we experience is a projection, we are less likely to take things personally and more prone to create connection rather than greater separation!

Avoid a mystical hangover this holiday season – watch Maryanne’s advice from author Roger Housden:

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