I have finally updated my portfolio after so many years of not updating it. But guess what? A lot of my work is on a hard drive that I cannot locate and so a lot of my work that I really would like to show I can’t seem to find.
It’s no secret that I took a hiatus for probably six years at a minimum, and I have been here and there briefly. Sporadically you may say. After my second pregnancy, I was restricted to bed rest but I just couldn’t focus on work for some reason. Or my online life. And of course, after I had my baby and covid lockdown happened, it was just even more sporadic.
Honestly, I’ve been very spacey and flakey since 2010 when I gave birth to my first daughter. The two years following that beautiful life-changing event, my shaky marriage to my “high school sweetheart” finally ended in the worst way I could’ve anticipated. The blind love and trust of youth is so wonderful to experience, but it makes it difficult to see when things are unhealthy or toxic. Unfortunately I did a lot of things to just get through and it started to feel like I was just a problem no matter what situation I was in. I started to feel I was unlovable.
This has sent me on a journey to build a life that I truly want and choose which I never felt I was able to do before in my life. So since around 2012-2014 when some more extremely traumatic things occurred in my life (some of which being an emergency life saving surgery, the death of my one stability: my cat I lived with since age 11, and some things I can’t even mention here) I decided that it was time. It was time for me to face all of the horrors that I was hiding from. I decided that it was time. It was time for me to face all of the horrors that I was hiding from. That I was stuffing down. Sometimes I imagine writing a memoir, or even a fiction book about some of the things that I experienced in those years, but because I have had my daughters, I’m not necessarily sure that would be good for them to have access to at these ages. Or probably any ages. Maybe one day I will write under a pen name, but I have so many large projects that I am already behind on that. I just can’t imagine adding that to the list.
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