st. valentine

“Where can you go to meet people if you’re single?” the reporter asked. He was writing a column about Valentine’s Day, and I had agreed to help him out.

“It depends on what you’re looking for,” I replied. “The right place for you to go may not be the right place for anyone else. I mean, I couldn’t recommend a restaurant for you until I know what kind of food you like! There’s no point in telling you to go to my favorite seafood restaurant if you hate fish.” This is the problem with the singles community: many people think that there’s one magic place out there to meet the right people, and that the same solution should work for everyone.

Sure, that approach is fine if you’re not terribly picky about whom you end up with, but most of us probably want something a little more specific. In that case, you have to take the time to identify what that specific thing is, what you want and what would make you happy. Once you are clear about your own feelings and desires, then it’s time to go out and find people who share those same values. Ask yourself, where would those sorts of people hang out? Those are the places that you need to go. If you surround yourself with like-minded people and let your true self shine through, a lot of great things will start happening.

“But how can single people cope with being alone on Valentine’s Day?” he wondered.

“There’s no coping necessary if you think of Valentine’s Day as a celebration,” I said. “Just like any other aspect of life, you can choose to be positive or negative. If there’s no one pampering you, do it yourself! Get out there and have the things you want, buy yourself flowers, get spa treatments, or whatever makes you happy. Life will turn around and treat you exactly how you treat yourself, so this is a perfect chance to give yourself some love and attention. If you are true to this intention and stick with it, you’ll attract the right people sooner than you realize.”

He asked again about the best places to find romance, so I tried repeating my point in a different way. “The place you need to find romance is inside yourself. There is nothing out in other places except a reflection of what’s within you. So the focus needs to be inward, taking care of yourself and what you want, and then focusing on putting that message out into the world. If you go out knowing exactly who you are and what you’re looking for, you will end up at the right places to find those things and people.”

The reason people keep finding the same disappointment again and again is because they keep looking in random places and settling for things they don’t really want. So if you want to do this right, find your real self first, focus on what makes you truly happy, and go out concentrating on doing what you love.

In short: it’s about what’s within you, not about what’s out there. Focus in the right direction and you’ll start having the things you want reflected back to you!