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maryanne comaroto

Design Your Life

What To Do When Confronted By An Elephant

06/08/2011

Every now and again you come across a situation in your life that blows your hair back, your skirt up or … just blows. For example: you find out the person you’re seriously considering spending the rest of your life with isn’t interested in a long term relationship with you.  Or you discover one evening, quite by accident, that your husband prefers blondes…who are hung like a horse. Or you learn that your new girlfriend is really a man, or that your movie star/Governor husband has impregnated your housekeeper and has been paying her hush money (out of your pocket) for the last decade.

While most of us have developed various coping mechanisms and strategies for dealing with such blustery situations, including confrontation, therapy, drinking heavily, freaking out, leaving and divorce, the pink elephant is quite a different animal! For those who aren’t so familiar with this unwelcome visitor, the pink elephant is commonly referred to as “… an obvious truth that is being ignored or goes unaddressed. The idiomatic expression also applies to an obvious problem or risk no one wants to discuss.” (Wikipedia) You see, in most cases when confronted with certain truths we know what to do, or at least have some vague idea and are compelled to take action because some line has been crossed and all people involved implicitly agree and act accordingly. Whereas when the pink elephant appears…it just hangs there like the house guest who never leaves.

Some examples might be: your roommate keeps eating all your food and never admits it or offers to pay, but you don’t say anything because you can’t afford to live there without them so you carry on as if nothing’s wrong, him shamelessly eating his way through your house and home and you cringing every time you see him secretly wanting to scream: “STOP EATING MY FOOD, YOU FOOD STEALER, LEECH, COUCH POTATO, MOOCHER!” Or maybe your boyfriend drinks too much, too often and embarrasses and scares you, but you don’t say anything because he says he can’t live without you and…you are financially dependent on him and afraid to be alone so you muddle through growing more and more emotionally distant, eventually having angry or passive obligatory sex because now you can’t stand when he touches you, yet you don’t have the courage or resources to say no, so you don’t.

Or maybe your closest relative, the one you have spent every birthday and holiday with for most of your life, has just embezzled money from his boss (who you know intimately) and neither one of you says anything to the other partly because you are in shock, you can’t believe they would ever do such a thing, and partly because you don’t even know what to say. Really…what does one say in such circumstances? Weeks and months pass while you tell yourself they will come around, make things right…right? Then after months of no one saying anything, a family function presents itself and out of what feels like the complete blue they send you an invitation as though nothing’s happened and sign the card “love and miss you”… and you think What the?

Or maybe someone owes you money and said they would pay you, yet every time you see them they don’t mention it and well, because you’re a polite person and don’t want to seem rude or desperate or (fill in the blank) you suck it up and tell yourself, if they don’t mention it next time you will say something except in between now and next time you realize this isn’t the first time this has happened and that this person always seems to borrow money and not pay you back, and further has some convenient, tear-jerking story about why they can’t. So naturally you, being the loving, understanding person you are, wouldn’t ask someone who is down and out to pay you back when they are going through hard times…except you notice when you see them next they tell you about the trip they just took or the new jacket they just bought or show you their new cell phone and you think…What the…?

So, what do you do when you don’t know what to do? When clearly something is amiss and no one is saying anything about it? The great thing about the pink elephant phenomenon is that it disappears almost completely as soon as one person has the courage to speak it. Literally poof…gone. The challenge is, more often than not as I illustrated, it feels like so much is at stake so we put it off. The problem in that scenario is obvious: the elephant remains or in some cases, grows proportionately. So before you buy a voodoo doll or go postal or, worse, try to make the elephant your pet, here are a few suggestions I recommend when you find yourself faced with the pink beast:

How important is it? What’s the relative importance of this issue on a scale of paper-cut to open-heart surgery? If it’s really an ego issue or a matter of pride or some other such nonsense, then you may want to deal with that rather than make a bigger issue out of something when there is no need. On the other hand, if you decide it’s a major deal at least you have taken the first step to putting the situation in some perspective.

What have you really got to lose? There is an expression, “You can’t lose what you never had.” So why not take a real honest look and see what it is you’re really dealing with here. You may want to consult an expert, pray, see a therapist or talk openly with a friend. See if you can’t get some clarity and objective about the situation and see what’s truly at stake. Never underestimate the power of support nor the power of the Divine illumination!!

Take the high road! They call the high road the road less traveled for a reason; namely because it’s not always easy to say what needs to be said or do the right thing. Don’t let that stop you. As my mother always says, “This isn’t a dress rehearsal, bring you’re A game,” and in the end you will know in your heart you were true to yourself!

Trust yourself, above all…you know the answer. The truth is always right there inside you, sometimes it just takes a while to get our courage up to do what we know we have to! On that you can always rely!

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Design Your Life

Who Are You Without Your Stories?

04/21/2011

Picture it: you’re in the eighth grade and someone you like is across the school yard. You want to approach them but don’t know if your approach would be welcome. You get a warm fuzzy feeling, but there’s also a panic that comes with it – after all, most kids that age would rather die than suffer rejection. The humiliation that would result would be unbearable, especially from the most gorgeous person in the entire school district – no, make that the entire city.

So no matter how much you want to go and talk to them, you wouldn’t just stroll over there and say hi, would you? You couldn’t risk it. As a girl especially, you certainly wouldn’t walk up to him when he’s talking to his male friends and blurt out, “Hi, I’m Maryanne – I think you’re really cute, and I’m looking for someone to go with to Karen’s party this weekend, and I was wondering if you’d be my date?”

I know, I know, I should have guessed this would be a disaster. But at the time, I felt like I had nothing to lose – sure, he was the hottest guy in the school, everyone was staring at me, and of course girls weren’t really “supposed” to do things like asking guys out. But I liked him, and my curiosity got the better of me in the end, so I just threw caution to the wind and went for it.

Naturally I was nervous – I was a kid, and this was my first limited foray into the world of romance. But my nervousness was more the exciting kind than the nauseating kind, and I was so focused on what might happen if he said yes, that I didn’t let myself think too much about the other option.

Until it happened. His face crinkled up into a mixture of annoyance and confusion, and he asked the question I’ll never forget: What’s wrong with you?! And I spent a lot of time and heartache trying to figure out the answer to that exact question – what was wrong with me? In order to put a stop to the pain and protect what was left of my ego, I wove a story for myself, and the moral of the story was this: I will never allow anyone to hurt me like that again for as long as I live. And that was it – I stuck to my story, and I never approach a boy directly ever again.

There are no other stories we enjoy better than our own. We love to spin our own tales, we love to tell them, and we love to hear them back again from others. We never get tired of them no matter how many times we’ve heard them before. And while it’s true that our stories are based on actual events (at least most of the time), why is it that we cling to certain ones and let others fade into obscurity? Certainly I have had other humiliating experiences in my life that eclipsed that particular schoolyard event, and yet that’s the story I keep coming back to. I think it has a lot to do with recognizing the moments when we separate from our Divine selves, and create an alter-self that we use to try to survive when we think our authentic self can’t hack it. These are moments where we consciously assign disproportionate meaning to events that wouldn’t need that meaning in a perfect world.

We create stories about ourselves for all kinds of reasons. We do it to shield ourselves from pain, to make people like us more, or to create a persona that acts as a protective shell for our real selves. So the question remains: who would we be without that shell, without those stories? Personally, though I have spent a great amount of time and effort examining my stories in order to try to understand who I am, it wasn’t until I released my grip on my stories and let them go that I truly found out the answer.

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Design Your Life

Spring Cleaning: Sieze the Day

03/26/2011

There was a time in my life when wake-up calls would have to be pretty dramatic for me even to notice. I was so reluctant to come out of my little status quo cocoon, and it would take quite a crisis for me to wake up and see what was important. But in each of those instants where I would suddenly wake up, I’d see exactly what was important, how precious life is… only to crawl back in my cocoon again.

Nonetheless, those intermittent moments of being awake in time built up to help me change my life, and these days I use them as markers on my path, to remind me why I’m here and which direction I’m heading. If I wake up one morning feeling a little stiff or tired, instead of sitting around and moaning about how I’m getting older, I can go for a brisk walk and know that this is my body’s way of reminding me that exercise is important. If I don’t get something that I had asked for, I know that it’s either on its way, or something better is. I don’t sit and wonder whether I don’t deserve the things I want, or whether I’m just not good enough. Not holding back from loving someone was the hardest wake-up call of all, as I learned it when my father suddenly died at age 63. I had tried to punish him for not meeting my expectations of love, and I was waiting for him to come to the realization that I was right.

There are still still times when I’m aware that the path is never-ending, that one always has to practice vigilance in order to stay awake and be present. As I sit at my desk, I suddenly hear fire trucks in the distance, and I silently send out blessings to the rescue team and the people they are being sent out to rescue. Then I take a look at the collection of objects on my desk, and it’s fitting that the alarm of the sirens should make me take notice. Here are all the things that represent what I love, put there specifically so I will have a constant reminder, and yet sometimes I can lose focus until the sirens bring me back again. My pocket astrologer, a Buddha figurine, notes from friends and family, photos of everyone I love most, a small angel sculpture, and of course a few chocolates are all things I still see right through sometimes. But at least these days, the sirens are needed less and less, as my vigilance has supplemented my desire to be awake and present. For this I’m very grateful.

I’m reminded of a Zen story, one where all the masters gathered together to discuss where the Key of Life should be hidden. One master was adamant that the top of a mountain would be a great hiding place, but the others disagreed. Another master suggested that maybe the bottom of the sea would be better, but again he was met with unanimous dissent. Discussion went back and forth for quite some time, and finally, just when it seemed like all the good ideas had been used up and rejected, one master stood up. “I’ve got it!” he exclaimed. “Let’s hide the key in the one place that humans never search: inside themselves.” Everyone agreed that was the best place to place the key, and there it remains to this day.

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Design Your Life

Flirting: Are You Talking to Me?

03/03/2011

It can happen just about anywhere – you’re standing in line at the bank, or at the grocery store, and then you feel someone brush up against you accidentally. You turn and find it’s a very attractive person. Then you start to think… maybe it wasn’t an accident! But how can you know for certain? You have to test the situation out, so you look at them again, for two reasons: one, to check them out a second time, and two, to see if there are any signs that the brush was on purpose. After all, it might have been a legitimate accident, and you don’t want to make a fool of yourself by assuming they’re into you when they may not have the slightest interest at all. So before you do anything, stop and think about what’s at stake, and ask yourself if this is just another mundane everyday event, or if this is the moment when everything changes in your life.

Take our quiz and see what you know about flirting: Answer True or False, then add up and click here for answers)

1. When someone goes out of their way to talk to me they are flirting

2. When someone makes prolonged eye contact (more than three seconds) they want my attention

3. When a woman is flirting it’s obvious

4. When a man is overtly flirting he generally has one thing on his mind

5. There’s a difference between being flirtatious and flirting

6. There are right ways and wrong ways to flirt

7. Saying inappropriate things in the name of flirting is acceptable

8. Flirting when you’re in a committed relationship is fine as long as you don’t act on it

And now, some tips to help you flirt effectively and without embarrassment:

First of all, focus on yourself, not the other person. Ask yourself, what are you hoping to accomplish by flirting? What is it that you want from this situation? A fun conversation? Casual sex? A relationship? The answer to this question will tell you what signs to look for. If you want a relationship, for instance, you’ll be looking for things like an bare ring finger, a shopping cart devoid of baby formula, and no spouse or kids hanging around. Don’t make a move if anything indicates the person isn’t available.

Step two, once you’ve decided the coast is most likely clear, you need to determine your own safety. No, this part is not particularly fun or spontaneous, but what’s REALLY not fun is being reckless and ending up in a situation where your personal safety is threatened. So check in with your intuition and make sure your body is not giving you any cues that it’s time to get out of the situation. You should be feeling completely comfortable and safe before you do anything at all. If not, don’t risk it or adopt a wait-and-see attitude – just get out of there.

Thirdly, let the fun begin! Believe it or not, most people are way too anxious when it comes to flirting, because really we’re all born with the ability. You may not buy that if you think you’re particularly awkward, but most awkwardness comes only when we become conscious of things that were unconscious. Many times we give off signals without even noticing we’re doing it! Checking to see who brushed up against you, and then checking a second time just to be sure – this is all part of the flirting process! If you can find something authentic to say in the moment, even better. Keep it simple and have fun above all else. The more you can relax and enjoy yourself, the more your flirting will be a sincere reflection of who you really are, which of course is exactly how you want to present yourself.

Remember that even though meeting people on the internet is all the rage, there’s nothing like connecting with a person in real life. So don’t be shy, practice connecting with people wherever and whenever, and load your tool belt up with these three things: your intention, your safety, and your natural ability to flirt!

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Design Your Life

How Can You Express Love?

02/25/2011

There are thousands of ways you can express yourself, thousands of things you can do that could come across to someone as loving. However, it’s where these actions come from that’s of utmost importance if you want to be genuine.

You might think that you’re expressing love by not arguing back when your partner says something you strongly disagree with, but if you’re only doing it so you can have credit for controlling your tongue, or if you’re just hoping the payoff for verbally agreeing will be sex, what good is that in the long run? Very little!

If you want to express love from a place of authenticity, start with these tips:

Make the effort to get to know your partner. You’d be surprised how much two people can not know about each other, even after years of being together. This is especially true when you consider that what people like changes from moment to moment. What does your partner enjoy, what do they not enjoy? What are their pet peeves? What do they think about various topics? Knowing these things may not change your actions per se, but investing your interest in your partner will greatly increase the health of the relationship.

Listen to what your partner is telling you. Of course there’s the literal aspect to this – the things they actually say – but there are the more subtle clues and hints that you can learn to pick up on. If they keep saying the same sorts of things over and over, learn to read between the lines. “Wow, isn’t it great to have a moment of quiet” could be a sign that it’s time to start scheduling in times when you both agree to turn off phones, computers, and the TV.

Include your partner’s happiness in your assessment of your own happiness. Make a habit of inquiring whether things are going well for them; learn what they’re struggling with, what would make their lives better, what they’re happy with right now, what they’re lacking, as so forth. Incorporate these things into your daily self-inquiry practice.

Act in whatever way you can to make your partner’s day better. Even little things can make a big impact, so don’t underestimate your ability to transform your partner’s daily life. For example, I love sleeping in and my husband knows that, so in order to let me have five extra minutes of sleep, he makes my tea just the way I like it every morning, even when we’re traveling. I happen to know that he craves time alone, so whenever something needs to be done and I can handle it on my own, I send him off for half an hour to go meditate, and I sort things out myself. It’s the little things.

Consider the new things that will pop up that you don’t know about each other yet. Find ways to discover these things. My husband and I love taking spontaneous drives in various directions – we never end up in the same place twice, and it’s always an adventure. When we get home, we talk about the experience and how we each perceived it. We’re constantly learning new things about each other in this way.

And these are just a few suggestions you can start with; add your own ideas and start seeing how much joy it brings you to bring joy to your partner! It’s this authenticity of expression that makes all the difference.

If you actually care, then act like it!
Great relationships begin within!

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Design Your Life

Learn to See People for Who They Really Are

11/17/2010
on melrose

I’d like to travel, for a moment, back to the time when I was five years old. I remember my mother shushing me for trying to talk to a stranger. I didn’t understand what the big deal was. She said that “we don’t talk to strangers,” and that “it’s rude to ask people personal questions!” This made no sense to me at all – if you never talk to strangers, how are you supposed to make any friends or get to know anyone? Obviously I wanted to avoid a spanking, so I did as I was told, but even the threat of corporal punishment couldn’t quell that insatiable desire inside me to talk to people and get to know them. Now, of course, it’s part of my work as a relationship expert, but what I’d like to do today is pass on to you the skill of really getting to know people, including yourself.

Going back to my childhood for a moment, I used to make mud pies quite frequently. I’d put them on my neighbors’ doorsteps and wait to see how they reacted. In my head, this was a way of testing the waters to see who was friendly and who wasn’t. If someone accepted the pie and the humor that came along with it, then for me they were safe, friendly, and open. If they didn’t see the humor, then I would use that as a sign to steer clear. I didn’t cry about it or beg them to like the pie or call them or stalk them or promise to change the pie into something they’d like better… I just moved on to another doorstep and tried not to take it personally. My pies weren’t to everyone’s taste, and that was fine. No big deal.

So I’m asking you now to make the leap forward with me and apply this to your own life. How many of us currently play a much more neurotic version of the mud pie game, giving too many pies to people who don’t want them, and causing unnecessary suffering by not listening to our intuition when it tells us the response to the pie isn’t a positive one?

Learning to see people for who they really are – and who they aren’t – is not just a matter of learning a few clever tricks that will give you insight into the opposite sex, and that’s not what I’m trying to do here. Instead, I want to give you the power tool of all power tools for your relationship tool belt – the knowledge of how to inner-view for success!

The difficult part about “learning to see people for who they really are” isn’t the people out there – it’s learning who YOU really are and what you really want. If you look at great relationships and think that could never happen to you, I want you to know that you are wrong! Great relationships ARE possible for you! You just have to put in some initial legwork getting to know yourself, and setting up a plan that will not only help you succeed in finding someone compatible for you, but that will also greatly increase your chances at having a great relationship.

Remember that getting older does not necessarily mean getting wiser. Many of us make the same mistakes over and over again. But the basics of a great relationship are easy to learn, no matter how many times you’ve gotten it wrong. When we want to explore a spark we feel for someone, we offer up the adult version of a mud pie: a friendly introduction, a smile, or a flirty glance. Then it’s the intuition’s turn to measure the response we get from that, and decide either to back away, or take another step forward into a conversation. After that next step, then the intuition does its magic again, and again it’s up to us to read the signs and choose which way to go. My goal for you is this: once you have a comfortable knowledge of who you are and what you want, then you can learn to take your passion for connecting with someone, and use it wisely, to make sure your time and energy are spent on the positive road to your next great relationship!

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Design Your Life

Awakening the Divine Intuition

06/25/2010

When you first meet someone, your body goes through an entire system of processing input, long before you’re even cognitively aware of what you think about the other person. This process is a collaboration between your senses and your intuition, and it helps you “know” the most important things you need to know about a person within the first few seconds of an encounter. You’ve certainly experienced this before: someone introduces themselves, and immediately you feel your body either opening up to them, or closing itself off. This is due to your body interpreting all kinds of different input and making conclusions that tell you what kind of situation you’re dealing with. It takes into account things like the person’s walk, talk, smell, or eye movements, and decides whether the person is aggressive, shy, nervous, confident, and so forth. Theoretically, if you follow what your intuition tells you and don’t let the process go any further, you can know within a minute if you are in a safe situation or a dangerous one, and to what extent you can relax around this person, both physically and emotionally.

that book

However, what happens after the initial data filter in your “belly brain” or intuition is that the information then goes to the next stage of filtration, in the brain. This is where a less accurate assessment goes on, where your habitual behavioral recognition skills kick in. It’s kind of like you have a database in your mind of all your past experiences and familiar patterns, and when you get in a new situation, your brain tries to make sense of what’s going on by comparing this situation to things it has seen, heard, or experienced in the past. It then tries to categorize this new person in a way that it can recognize and understand.

This is where the problem is. We have a lot of built-up defense mechanisms in place based on beliefs we have and stories we tell ourselves. We have learned and inherited a lot of prejudices that we use to apply to new people, regardless of what our intuition tells us. For example, perhaps when we meet a woman with fake breasts and a fake tan, we automatically assume she is shallow or insecure. Or maybe when we meet a guy with crooked teeth and a southern accent, we assume he is uneducated. When we let this second phase of filtering override our intuition, this sets us up for problems down the road.

Think of it this way: remember when you had that awful breakup, and then when you looked back on the relationship, you realized you knew it was going downhill long before it actually did? Knowing in your belly that things aren’t right is your intuition at work; deciding to ignore the bad gut feeling and continue as if everything is okay is your brain overriding your intuition. It’s strange that we have taught ourselves to do this, because it doesn’t benefit us in any way. Your body never lies, but your brain will tell you whatever it wants you to hear, whatever will protect it from pain in the short term. The brain is a wonderful servant, but it’s the intuition that is the better master. Your “belly brain” is a much more accurate connection with the truth, and the second-hand information from your brain, while useful in many respects, should never be taken as your sole source of facts.

So if the intuition has precision accuracy to lead us out of danger and into happiness, and the brain is flaky at best in this regard, then why do we do we so often override our intuition in favor of the brain? This is exactly what the divine feminine in each of us is crying out about, and it’s why it’s so important, especially in our complex culture, to reawaken her and let her do the job she does best. So much has been written about our systematic blocking of our intuition, but suffice it to say that until we learn how to reconnect and relearn to inner-view, we will continue to put ourselves in dangerous situations.

Sit down and make a chart of body versus brain, and find out which has led you astray more often.

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Design Your Life

Build a Great Relationship: Start from Within

06/14/2010

Dating can be scary. If you’ve just come off a divorce or a serious breakup, you may be wondering if it’s all worth it, or if you’ll just end up in the same place again. If your’e a single parent, you may be hesitant to start bringing someone new into your family’s life. If you’re newly on the scene after not having dated for many years, the thought of online dating can seem intimidating. For whatever reason, if you’re not sure how to approach the whole dating game, try these tips.

Put your most important foot forward. If you start out with “sexy” then that’s what people will value most about you.

Dating is not a sales pitch. Who you are is a sacred gift, it’s not a product.

Know that the single people around you are not your rivals. Smile, we’re all in this together! There’s enough love to go around, you don’t have to fight other people for it.

When you feel that spark of chemistry, ask yourself some questions. Is this excitement, or fear (they feel similar, but not the same)? Do you find yourself questioning your values and action and feeling insecure, or does this person really bring out the wonderful things in you, leaving you feeling invigorated and glowing?

Gently press the brakes. It’s okay to slow down, and it can keep you from making a desperate move that could end in disaster. If this person is really the right one for you, then they’ll be patient and let things happen in due course. There are 1.45 million potential partners out there for you – you don’t have do drastic things with this one right this second in a desperate bid to hang onto them. Just take a step back and think things through before making any big decisions.

Learn about this person and what they have to offer. The last thing you need is to get into a situation where its give-give-give on your end and take-take-take on theirs. You want someone who balances you, where the give and take are equal.

Don’t try to find people who would be attracted to the person you think you should be – go for the ones who like you for who you actually are! I used to put so much effort into making myself less high-maintenance because I thought people wouldn’t be attracted to my big nature. Turns out, my husband loves my big nature exactly the way it is!

Resist the urge to drop your drawers until you’re sure this person shares your relationship goals, and that they feel the same way about you! The day after you have sex is not the time to find out they just want a casual fling, if you’re looking for marriage.

Prepare yourself for your new relationship with a daily clearing ritual. Let go of old items or photos that only bring back painful memories, or you can do what I did and have a wedding ceremony with yourself so that you make the most important commitment of all!

Stick to your guns when it comes to deal-breakers. Perhaps you won’t tolerate a drug-user. Or maybe you can’t stand to be with someone who’s into porn. We all have areas where we draw the line – make a list of yours so that you aren’t tempted to bend those lines. You can learn more about deal-breakers by getting a copy of Hindsight, What You Need to Know Before You Drop Your Drawers.

Never compromise your safety or integrity – trust your true instincts, and don’t set yourself up to fail!

But if you want the best piece of advice ever… it might take you a long time to get in etched in your mind, and to put it into practice, but here it is: Great relationships begin within! ®

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Design Your Life

Who is to blame? One Iranian Claims Immodest Women.

05/13/2010

In a public speech on Friday in Tehran, Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi told the faithful that modesty would be the only thing that would save them.

“Many women who do not dress modestly lead young men astray and spread adultery in society which increases earthquakes,” he added.

Seriously? A statement like that might almost be comical if it weren’t so sad. When I read things like this, all of a sudden it’s no surprise where the archetype of woman-as-victim-or-prostitute comes from. I wonder what else this man would blame on women and their promiscuous ways. Tsunamis? Terrorism? The hole in the ozone layer? Women should be more careful about what they wear, or else the world might collapse in on itself with all our sexual power. It’s hard to imagine why men feel so threatened that they adopt this dangerous and nonsensical line of thinking. I wonder what will be required to snap humanity out of this nightmare of diseased thought.

modesty

If I had the ability to see the future, I would make this man look at the inevitable point his path leads to. The world is now run by women, many of them descendants of Iranian women who, coincidentally, felt the need to create genetic engineering facilities to alter the male anatomy. Nowadays, men aren’t born with penises – penises are only given to those men who show through consistent effort that their actions are worthy of respect, and who can convince a sacred council that they are honorable enough.

If I were an analyst, I might see this as a textbook case of childhood trauma left untreated, and of delusion left unchecked. I would probably note that this man was showing all the classic signs of projection brought on by fear and a feeling of helplessness, thus creating the fantasy in his head that women have some sort of magical evil powers. I’d probably recommend that he take a nice long break in the state hospital while professionals helped get him back on the right track.

If I were enlightened, I would see this as an opportunity to take an extremely weak and sick soul, and help him down the road to spiritual repair. I would recognize immediately that this man had lost his hold on reality, and lost his tether to the Divine. Such a seriously damaged soul would probably need a jump start, which could be implemented by way of a two-by-four to the forehead, as was the tradition of a particular ancient monk.

If I were Mother Nature, I would make it clear to this man how unacceptable I find his false accusations and unjust shame against my beautiful creatures. My point would come across in the form of a shit storm so intense and powerful, he would have no chance against the tidal waves, hurricane winds, and endless bolts of lightning. After I felt I had stated my case adequately, a torrential rain would come down on him, washing him clean of all this nonsense and leaving him free of his delusions.

If I were a man, it would make me sad and angry to see another man behaving like this. My shame at his words would make me want to think of ways that he could be taught not to humiliate and degrade my sisters, mothers, daughters, and indeed all women everywhere. Maybe binding his feet would be a good way to start, or maybe a chastity belt would be an even better idea, so he could feel the oppression right where it hurts a man most.

If I were an Iranian woman, I’d steer clear of the men in Tehran and be a celibate lesbian instead!

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Design Your Life

Why So Many Women Are Afraid to Self-Promote

04/24/2010

Are you a history buff? No? Me either, but I will never forget Glenn Close in Dangerous liaisons. The scene still stuck in my mind where her life of privilege and power climaxes in ruins- because she dared to what? Manipulate people to suit her purposes, avenge herself (jilted by the man she loved who used her and tossed her aside for a younger version), seek revenge, relish the feeling of power, and revel in her own self centeredness. Gosh, this reminds me of something… what is that… I know-MEN.

Ohhhh, wait a minute, is this male bashing? Some may say so, I believe it is simply one passionate opinion about the pandemic affect of this two thousand year old inequity. What I am trying to say really is that, how come when a woman tries to bend things to suit her needs she’s a thankless whore and when men do it they are…just being men. When women are shrewd in business, arranging people, places and things to most optimally benefit her desired goals they are willful bitches and men, savvy hunters?

Am I saying we women want to adopt such scruples? Hell NO. What I am saying is enough already! And set forth a motion to do away with this reckless thinking and embrace a more lavish approach to achieving, creating and realizing what we all want and need and would like.

We will collectively grow up and subscribe to the more the merrier, there is plenty for everyone and then you wait and see what happens!! Until then lets inquire whether or not we want to continue to subscribe to an antiquated way of promoting our passions, taking care of our selves and achieving our deepest desires; groveling along, manipulating our pretty little way to success, trying to be the good girls and wives that we were taught to be.
So let me offer a few pointers and suggestions, how do I promote myself without feeling shame or frightened of how others will view me or instinctively feeling like I may offend people that I believe I need in order to survive~

promosm

First~ Ask yourself who your source is? Go on really. Who or what is the source of flow, money etc in your life. You may not like your answer but you will see it is the source of your angst. A clue is if you believe source is outside of you, or have simply forgotten- there’s the work to be done!

Second~ There is no other! This means we are all one and whatever you see or experience outside your self is simply a projection of your own material and beliefs. Maddening isn’t it. But when you think about it really its empowering and ultimately freeing! And a stellar opportunity to embrace and heal your own beliefs and story about yourself and the world around you! Like men have power women don’t, self promotion is shameful etc. cause if you see it or believe then its true (for you).

Third ~ And last for now , have some fun and stretch yourself. Try celebrating yourself out loud and test some of those theories. Will people really think you’re a shameless self promoter? And if they do, so what? Once a woman told me something I will never forget; “She said to me’ Honey child, half the people you meet aint gonna like you no matter what you do, the other half will. You might as well get over it! So, as Don Miguel Ruiz says, don’t take it personal! Or you stand in it and feel the burn and heal whatever insecurity keeps making you feel this way! I am a big self inquiry fan and find that when I face the daemons they go away. The shadow isn’t so scary when we shed light on what’s really underneath it all!

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