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ER

Diary

How Soon is Now? Surprise! Surgery.

11/04/2014

hospital

So a thing happened. Many things happened. Most of all I survived them. Even the one that was out of my hands. The universe must have some more plans for me, what can I say.

Upon doing yoga with a friend (Emma) I must have twisted a unknowingly deformed small intestine in my inner scar tissue from my cesarian. I didn’t feel it. We went to work and eat from the comfort of my dining room. I ate a delicious burger that Mister Educated made for me. Then.. pain. Immense pain. Is this food poisoning? It doesn’t feel that way. I’ll lay down and take a nap. No, no I won’t. I begin breaking out in sweats and chills, losing consciousness. Is this for real? I have a high pain tolerance but this is insanity. Emma? She takes me to the dr. My blood pressure is so low they think the machine is broken. Emma rushes me to the ER. They think I’m lying. I must be some sort of person wanting pain medicine because there is no visible injury. No, please no. No pain medicine. I won’t take it. Just right the wrong in my body.

The nurses, they tell me to put on a mask. They assume I just have a stomach bug. Ebola perhaps. But no. No this is not a virus. This is my body shutting down.

This is probably appendicitis. Your gallbladder is probably acting up. You must have food poisoning. This will clear up tonight. Tomorrow you’ll be fine. Really? Thank you! This will all go away! But it feels so much worse already? *violent retching*

The next morning. The surgeon. This could clear up on it’s own. The tests seem like it’s hopeful. Or we can take a look surgically. WHAT? It hurts.. but I want to go with Mister.. What do you think? It’s up to me? I feel like something could be very wrong. I think you should take a look. I will then.

Stomach sick, in a daze, can’t stop vomiting on the operating table. Everyone is telling me it’s going to be ok. My husband is here and I will see him soon. It will all be ok. Everything is probably just fine. It will just be a small incision for our camera. Breathe in the anesthesia. Relax. Go to sleep…

Yes, we removed a foot of her small intestine. It had died. It was caught in scar tissue. She had a cyst. If we had’t operated she’d have died. She’s very lucky. Yes, here’s your husband. He’s here.

Tears of joy. Then. The pain. A new pain. Three stab wounds? A large cut along my midsection? Staples? It’s ok, you have a man that loves you. No one will even notice in a few years. You would have died if you’d have waited. You were very sick.

I know. I know I should trust my intuition more strongly. Thank you for saving my life, dr. Thank you for being the one surgeon who believed me.

Life is limited, treat it with love.