Me to Me: Stop Stifling Yourself To Make Others Happy

It’s been quite a long while that I’ve been on this journey of self acceptance. Long ago there was an anonymous submission area on my blog and I got the sweetest message from a reader who said, “I wish you would be yourself and embrace it instead of hiding behind _____.”

I did hide. I hid behind my mom as a child, I hid behind Ben (my first love) as a teen/young adult, and I even hid behind Audrey Kitching and some other friends I did design for (I wasn’t as codependent with them) online and played with offline. I gave Audrey my illustrations and original artwork, I sent her inspirations daily, I blogged for her, I designed for her. We were close then, but I was always in the shadows. She would sometimes copy other designs from other artists and I didn’t want to promote any of my work because I was afraid if I took credit for my Tokyolux cats, designs, and pop art that it would be assumed I was taking credit for ALL of the copies as well.

Let’s get to know each other again.

That often happens to people who were traumatized in their youth. I was happy to create amazing things that everyone loved as long as I got to be in the background and no one really knew me.

When going through divorce or trauma it’s easy to do whatever you can to forget your memories and the pain. Embarrassingly enough, I imploded and “acted a fool.” I even pushed a lot of those friends in that community away back then. I met them all one last time at a Sanrio VIP party right near the end of my shadow self life. I was tired of being in the box I allowed myself to be placed in and I just freaked out and ran away.

I closed my store and I stopped updating my website. I fell off the online world to hide from it and isolated myself.

I’m super into SELKIE right now.

Now I’m 35 and I feel like I’ve been starting all over the last few years. I started traveling again and participating in shows in LA and NYC again (prior to the CORONAVIRUS of course). I started reconnecting with my old friends again. Like actually connecting. As myself.

I also started, 3 years ago, doing work for myself and I’m learning how to be comfortable promoting ME and MY WORK. IT’S HARD. It’s hard everyday. I often slink away and still struggle with quieting myself because I’m afraid. I’m afraid of what you will think of me or what you will say if I’m not who you expect or want me to be…

… but I’m done with that! I’m pushing myself harder each day to be MYSELF for ME. Not anyone else. I’m set on not becoming anything for anyone else. Except of course a loving mom who encourages her daughters to be powerful and NEVER stifle theirselves for ANYONE.

Thanks for coming along. I hope you brought snacks. xx

I haven’t released this anywhere else yet! The new Deericorn pendant at long last!!!

Miseducated presents Tokyolux Spring 2020

With Audrey Kitching as the brand frontrunner, I designed all of the designs you used to buy from the brands/stores Tokyolux, Coco de Coeur, and Lazy Bones Vintage.

It was rumored that she stole ideas — she would give me sketches occasionally and I would create them or I would send her my ideas. The cats and roses, for example, were created by me. I designed and created those. These designs were all completely original and well-loved.

Tokyolux was featured in fashion magazines around the world, donned by celebrities, and sold in stores on Melrose in Los Angeles. It was all so fast. Then, as fast as it started, our doors were closed.

I never got the full story from any party but I was told orders were not being sent out and the brand image was damaged.

I will say that Audrey has continued to be kind to me so I will not speak on recent articles about her dealings with others. This isn’t about that! She has always been kind and giving to me, both in person and online.

I went on to do Audrey Kitching Los Angeles, and after that, Crystal Cactus (which I have not been involved in the “design of” since the very beginning).

I have so many designs that I was unable to create, use, or complete. I am at a time in my life where I would like to make these available to the public and those who loved Tokyolux.

These are both new and original designs never before released on new shirts, clothing, and accessories. I am now opening a division of Miseducated’s shop called Tokyolux. These are one of a kind designs. made in house, solely by me. Some of our clothing will feature Pop Cult icons from our pin collection. Others will be the same and original design you loved and adored from Tokyolux and Coco de Coeur.

Preorders for the first design are here. Stay tuned.

Thankful for Monday: All You Need is Love

I’ve been working and writing like crazy. Audrey’s Tokyolux has recently relaunched (yay! cosmic kitties!) and I’ve also been asked to work on a writing project unrelated… Remember that book I’ve been talking about for so long? Well, it’s finally unfolding.. scary, huh? Actually it’s so scary that I’m not sure I’ll be able to do it. To be that open about everything. I’m very seriously considering running in the opposite direction as I’ve already begun to do.

Thankfully my partner in crime asked me out to flea market yesterday so I could think about other things, kitschy-cute things. Retro fabric and kitten valentines all waiting for us to arrive. Vintage stacks of greeting cards and magazines just waiting for us to peek through them and squeal.

And with that my five favorite things this week are a little cheesy and cliche but they are my favorite things none the less. They keep me afloat when I want to drown in my own gloom.

Family

My very favorite thing. The light of my life is the little family my husband and I have created.

Friends

Friendship can unfold a colorful happiness in anyone’s life. You can never have too many friends and a best friend is a rare and fanciful treasure that will endlessly delight your days because they know just how to make you laugh.

Iced-Coffee

Oh how it puts me in the right state of mind..

Work

My hobby, passion and what I spend most of my time doing.

Balcony

I’ve always been obsessed with balconies. When I visited Paris how I loved to stare at the gorgeous apartments and their breathtaking little balconies. Whether yours is a place to relax, garden or share a meal; balconies are great little outside boxes overlooking the world.

What made this week magical for you?

Sunshine, Painting and Friendship

Lately things have been a bit crazy for me! Hard to get caught up and still keep my office/house as clean and organized as I would like to.. I always say I’m going to do better when things settle down but they never settle down. I’m going to have to become a workaholic and blog everyday whether I feel like it or not!

Today I was taking some photos of my new paintings and someone wanted to jump in the shot. He always wants to be exactly in the middle of whatever I’m doing, haha. (Sorry to those of you who saw this on my portfolio already!!)



this is in progress~

This coming month is going to be a big one for girly fun. I can’t wait! Do you have big plans for the summer?

Wear the World, Giveaways and Siren Love

Hello! How are you doing today? I’ve been busy preparing items for an upcoming gallery and doodling psychedelic cats for Tokyolux’s new line.

It’s been quite awhile since I’ve uploaded any photos of myself so I thought I’d update with an outfit finally, as I’ve really been meaning to do for quite a long time. Today’s outfit is brought to you by Tokyolux — the sweater was a gift from Audrey. I love it, it’s large and comfortable.

After these photos were taken I proceeded to burn my tights (accident) so I’ll be uploading a DIY distressed tights tutorial soon~

As you can see I’ve also added a sneak peek photo of our upcoming giveaway! A couple more items are on the way but I just couldn’t wait to show you what cute items we’ve received already. The giveaway will be taking place this spring so stay tuned for more information on that in the future!

Lastly, Siren London sent me a package stuffed full of their amazing clothing samples which I’ll also be featuring later. If you’ve never checked Siren out do so now, you’ll drool! They are the cardigan queens.

upcoming giveaway sneak peek

new package from siren london