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I’m very curious to hear why there is such a strong border at the point where one drops ones drawers. Why do you consider that to be the place where there is no turning back? If you look at aboriginal societies, and even at other naked societies like those of primates, obviously there are no drawers there to drop, and yet they manage to have quite evolved sexual societies, and they raise children who also grow up to understand sexuality in an intelligent way. So why is it so different for us?
This question of the line of demarcation is an important one, and to understand why dropping drawers is such an important boundary, we have to compare our culture to the ones of naked societies. Ted Bundy once said that he believed that violence against women would continue for as long as pornography exists in our society. There is a dehumanizing element in our media that makes us think of each other as objects, or worse, as predators and prey. This may explain why aboriginal and primate societies are more sexually evolved than we are – they are not exposed to these victimizing elements.
Unfortunately, we are not at the point yet where we can have a naked, peaceful, safe society, and there are no government warnings or instruction manuals for how to avoid the pain and suffering that people go through in relationships. In our current societal context, I can see a direct corollary between that suffering and the dropping of drawers. When people do not stop to consider the consequences, that’s when the suffering takes root. If we can find a way to resist this impulse a little longer, to pause and think about the responsibilities and consequences of sex, we will have a greater chance of creating healthy and lasting relationships.
Since we aren’t provided with a manual instructing us on the best ways to handle ourselves in this sexually complicated society of ours, I wrote Hindsight, What You Need to Know Before You Drop Your Drawers as a response to the need for people to have another way to react when they find themselves at that all-important line of demarcation. If we could just build our self-discipline to delay our gratification, we would find that there is freedom in that discipline, a way to make choices for ourselves that we cannot experience when we simply react to our initial impulses. If we can strengthen our muscles of self-discipline on a global scale, over time, there is the hop that we can evolve into a society that understands and values the things which are naturally sacred, rather than just stampeding over the line of no return.
But there’s another aspect to consider, as well, and that is the very fact that we are able to consider. That we have the capability to stop and think about our actions before we commit to them, is one of the chief differences between us and primates. We have the ability not only to delay dropping our drawers, but to decide not to drop them at all, if we don’t feel it’s best for us. But there is certainly a lot we can learn from the naked cultures of aboriginals and primates. If we can find good relationship models in those societies, who cares if they are not like us? If observing and learning from other people or even animals can help us determine the best time to drop our drawers, I can’t see that there is any harm in that!
@ Writer- As someone who’s always considered dropping of drawers a monumental boundary, this topic immediately caught my eye. To answer your question, my boundary began from a biblical mandate but in actual practice, continued for the exact reasons Maryanne spoke of: emotional and physical stewardship. I just inately felt safer being very cautious and saving what I considered precious for trustworthy relationships.
Maryanne, I like your term “sacred” for that boundary. To me it seems logical to keep guarded something that is the most extreme of intimacy and privacy, therefore of great value. Not indulged for impulse but for enclosure in a serious, monogamous, committed relationship. I can’t fathom how anyone is comfortable treating it any other way. If you wouldn’t show this person your ATM pin #, why would you share your crotch?
Carolyn – thanks for your insightful comment! I’ve often drawn the ATM pin number parallel – in the digital age we go to great lengths to keep our information safe, but seem to not care as much about our SELVES and our bodies. Yes, it is sacred! Blessing ~ Maryanne